I never consider myself a religious person, nor the religious people ever consider me one of them, not even close to be! I 'd always had my own perspective of religion and God.
For so many years, I always felt a special relation between God and myself, even though I’m not a religiously well practicing person! But still, felt this relation and always felt protected and loved by Him.
I used to have him always answering my prays, that are mainly related to me not others, always felt His existence in my life, I used to walk feeling secure, yet, I was free of all the ideologies, materialism and concepts of the nowadays religions.
Recently, I had felt that we have lost this special relation, I felt abandoned, but at the same time, I felt it was my mistake for I had sinned a lot, and still do. I felt lonely and my personal prays were not responded anymore! I asked for many things of which I got nothing!
I didn’t complain, because, for sometime, I thought that a relation of confidence and pure trust in God, from my side, maybe was not enough. I thought that I may have been wrong in all the concepts that I have grown to believe in. I thought that I may should be like all those people who put their brains aside and give in themselves to concepts and ideas of a fearful relationship with God, a relation filled with taboos that nobody can tell why they are so, all what they can say is “we were told so!” A relation that is full of contradictions, whereas on one hand, we read God’s words insisting on us to work hard and to use nothing but our brains in judgments and in all the aspects of our life, but on the other hand, we only use our eyes to read some books that have human’s explanations and views of what they thought\think was the religion is about. These books and those people are almost given the same sacredness and holiness as God’s. No, they are now even stronger than God; people neglected God’s words and followed those people’s words.
For a while I started to think that I was wrong and those people were right! Life could be a mixture of taboos, orders and social habits in the form of religious practices and commands. However, I hadn’t been able to switch and become one of them. I was lost and confused!
Today, something happened to me and may proceed to be something that I had been asking God for. It’s LITERALY the way I asked for! It could have happened in many other ways, but it simply went in the exact way I had been asking God to grant for me. I feel overwhelmed, but at the same time, embarrassed for not keeping the faith in the relation between God and myself. I was not wrong, I was never abandoned. God do love us unconditionally, at least, this is how I feel relieved to believe in, so far, this is what life has been proving to me!
Thank you God!