Sunday, September 25, 2005

HE didn’t abandon me!

I never consider myself a religious person, nor the religious people ever consider me one of them, not even close to be! I 'd always had my own perspective of religion and God.

For so many years, I always felt a special relation between God and myself, even though I’m not a religiously well practicing person! But still, felt this relation and always felt protected and loved by Him.

I used to have him always answering my prays, that are mainly related to me not others, always felt His existence in my life, I used to walk feeling secure, yet, I was free of all the ideologies, materialism and concepts of the nowadays religions.

Recently, I had felt that we have lost this special relation, I felt abandoned, but at the same time, I felt it was my mistake for I had sinned a lot, and still do. I felt lonely and my personal prays were not responded anymore! I asked for many things of which I got nothing!

I didn’t complain, because, for sometime, I thought that a relation of confidence and pure trust in God, from my side, maybe was not enough. I thought that I may have been wrong in all the concepts that I have grown to believe in. I thought that I may should be like all those people who put their brains aside and give in themselves to concepts and ideas of a fearful relationship with God, a relation filled with taboos that nobody can tell why they are so, all what they can say is “we were told so!” A relation that is full of contradictions, whereas on one hand, we read God’s words insisting on us to work hard and to use nothing but our brains in judgments and in all the aspects of our life, but on the other hand, we only use our eyes to read some books that have human’s explanations and views of what they thought\think was the religion is about. These books and those people are almost given the same sacredness and holiness as God’s. No, they are now even stronger than God; people neglected God’s words and followed those people’s words.

For a while I started to think that I was wrong and those people were right! Life could be a mixture of taboos, orders and social habits in the form of religious practices and commands. However, I hadn’t been able to switch and become one of them. I was lost and confused!

Today, something happened to me and may proceed to be something that I had been asking God for. It’s LITERALY the way I asked for! It could have happened in many other ways, but it simply went in the exact way I had been asking God to grant for me. I feel overwhelmed, but at the same time, embarrassed for not keeping the faith in the relation between God and myself. I was not wrong, I was never abandoned. God do love us unconditionally, at least, this is how I feel relieved to believe in, so far, this is what life has been proving to me!

Thank you God!

11 comments:

Zena said...

Wow, I had and still have the same problem, you expressed it really well, I was trying to talk about it to Baher but I couldn't put it in words.

I am really happy for you, and I hope that you can make good use of what God has given you.

Good Luck

Anonymous said...

Hi hasoon .. It is really nice to know that your struggle has finally found a peaceful shore to rely on.
I don't agree with giving the people of religion the place of gods.... Nevertheless, we can never put them all on the same basket. It depends on the criteria we used in our judgment towards them. Some are strict to you but not to me and vice versa.
Yet, I absolutely agree with you that I should be the only person who can define my relation to God. Because I believe each one of us has his/her own channel with God. The more virtuous we are the more clear the relation is.
Believe me Ihsan you are not the sinner you described. "Thanks God"

Stellar said...

Very well put, Ihsan... I wouldn't blame you for all what you feel. I till now wonder about a lot of things even though I am religious. I know that I have a right to wonder and think. No one can judge me for whatever that I truly believe that has nothing to do with anybody but me and my creator.

I'm not exactly your typical religious person as you probably noticed or at least I hope you did. I'd have to say I also agree with our dear anonymous. Each has their own perspective and I'll follow what makes me more connected to God. Yeah, I admit I listen to what some people say but only because I agree with it, and stuff that I don't really get, I just leave it to God to help me figure out the way.

Yeah, I've been called a hypocrite, you know what though? They can kiss my ass. I'd rather be judged by the one who knows me most and is the most just and that's the one who created me. Their words mean diddly squad to me. My connection with God is what matters. He has been there for me and I truly believe that the crap we go through, doesn't have to be a punishment or trial. It can be a blessing in disguise for God does work in Mysterious ways.

I do have conversations with God all the time and sometimes, if I'm actually listening hard enough, I do get a reply. No it's not voices in my head. hehehe.. But it's just a gutt feeling deep down inside.

May God be always with you and guide you to the path where you find peace always.

I know it might sound corny but I truly mean it.

Salam

GraY FoX said...

Dont know what to say really...
Things Are different ... religion for me is defined as the relation between god and me .... and seems that you are doing good at it ihsan.. so keep it up.. and hey ... since God is answering your prayers... can you manage to get me an alpharomeo :D

Sharks said...

Hey Ihsan!...Good for u...enjoy it while u can :)...

I agree with Sara that when bad things happens it doesn't have to be a punishment...but i also don't think that good thing are all blessings too...most of the times when shit happen to me it makes me stop n' realize that we are a part of a bigger plan...that it's not always have to be just about ME...and when good things happen it makes me happy of course!...but i also wonder if i did anything good to deserve it...n' if the answer is NO...then i must do something about it...or maybe i just have some self-esteem issues! :p...

Now about what some religious ppl say!...well u better don't even get me started on that:S...i literally don't listen to any of them at all...some times it seems that instead of explaining God's words in their own...they r explaining their words by using God's words...like they only select what supports what they r saying n' leave the rest...

n' yes Ihsan...God do love us unconditionally...but r we willing to do the same?!...

no one said...

yeap...r we willing to do the same??

guess i'm being so cold with allah lately... as if i'm blaming him for everything happening around..allah forgives me

Omar said...

I find it interesting to read about other people's beliefs and so forth. I personally think your wish granted because you worked it for it, not because god gave it to you.
Either way keep up the good work :)

Tolerant Damascene said...

The more I read in both of your blogs, the more I become interested in meeting with you and having some discussions with you.

I loved Shark's words "...some times it seems that instead of explaining God's words in their own...they r explaining their words by using God's words...". That's actaully happening most of the time.

When I was a little kid I've encountered many great religious people in Damascus. When I grew up and moved away, I've only seen negative things coming from the so-called religious people. I always long for having more poeple like the religious people I met as a kid.

They let you think, they love you unconditionally, they give you without asking for something in return, they accept your differences, and tolerate your sins.

Nowadays, that's just a dream that I can't reach. These people ceased to exist, or so it seems.

They/we always tend to forget the core/goodness/God while becoming preoccupied with the humanly-made rituals and interpretations.

Religions are made to inspire us and aide us in our way... they're not made to steal our lives and brains and control us.

Ihsan said...

Zena, we all have the same problem, but I think once we separate the religion and the social practises, we get to see clearer, I know it's not relevant to what you said nor to the post but it has something to do of what we talked about during the last meet up ;)

Hekmat and Sara, I agree with you guys, I never generalize but there is a percentage, and unfortunately, the percentage I talked about rules!

Iyad, while God may indeed answer me and help me getting the car u mentioned, there is no chance I give it to you for free!

Asma: "instead of explaining God's words in their own...they r explaining their words by using God's words"...BINGO! Well said!

Rahaf, I hate blaming others for things that happen to me, so definitely I won't be blaming God, on the contrary, I always tend to blame myself for the bad things and give credit to God for the good things!

Omar: I agree with you in the general idea, but the thing that occurred had nothing to do with me in term of its occurrence (how & why), it just happened and I got positively effected, plus series of events that turned out to be a total fortunate events!

Tolerant Damascene: Thanx, same here walla, if you are in Damascus, you should attend the meet ups if you are not, then where are you?


There are indeed great religious people, I have met with some of them, but with the domination of the retarded social habits and mentalities, people tend to listen to that kind of religious people who talk of a religion that is compatible with what their brains have been fed with.


Thanx all, Ramadan Kareem.

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madmousell said...

The question I may ask you is this:
how come, the badest people live in wealth and freedom, got best education and can do whatever they want, they hear just "yes" and millions of people adore them. Any answer?


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