Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The bold & the beautiful's cell!

I have the urge to sleep, but just don’t feel like closing my eyes! I’m willing to do whatever it takes just to know what’s wrong with me! I’m doing almost everything and yet, always having this feeling of boredom and the desire of something that I have no idea what the hell it is!

My world is changing, our world. Or maybe it’s the age thing! I’m starting a new year in few days and feel like I have lived twice my age in term of everything but achievements!


Today, at around 10 PM, I was going to my best friend’s place. The moment I left the building, I saw this girl, she was just perfect, and don’t get me started on the bonnet she was wearing or the mini-skirt or how she looked in general……anyways, she was really attractive, and worth noticing…. Yet, she was standing outside our building and she looked as if she’s been crying! I got curious….and to be honest, interested!
I walked towards here and asked if everything was ok. She yelled at me and asked me to fuck off…..(hmmm, pretty nasty ha?). I repeated my question and she started crying….To tell you the truth, I didn’t look good….I mean, standing at 10 PM with a crying girl who was provocatively dressed!
Anyway, I’m a stubborn dude ….Eventually, she told me that she had lost he cell phone……I said “fuck”…all this drama for a freaking cell phone! I thought she lost her family in a plane crush! She said that her mom would kill her is she went home without it. I did my best to talk her into seeing how silly this was! Her voice went louder! I asked her how she lost it, she said that she had forgotten it at some nearby store and most likely the guy there took it….. I asked her to come with me and we went to the store where she used my cell to call hers….it was off!

The guy denied any knowledge of such a cell…….we walked away and she was really crazy, furious and scared to death! I asked her to wait and went back to the store…..

I walked in and tried to wear a serious face…..and told the guy that I knew he had the cell but I would want to solve it without any troubles…..I guess I sounded serious enough… he confessed and told me his side of the story.

She came with her few years old sister, and were asking about the prices of some goods, they bought nothing and left shortly, once they walked away, he noticed a missing big chocolate bar (worth 200 pounds)….He talked to his neighbor who said that he’d seen a hottie and a little girl who were carrying it outside…. The guy cursed and turned back to his store to find a cell phone put aside….She had forgotten her cell phone in there, Allah kbeeer (God is Almighty) he said, she stole but forgot her stuff…

Shortly later, she came back, he confronted her, she denied and so he told her that he won’t give her the phone until her parents come and take it…….Then she walked away, the guy said….

Ok, I was surprised to hear this story! But donno…believed this guy….. I pretended to be the hottie’s neighbor and told him that I will deal with it, and that he could call the police if he wanted but to steal something from her… didn’t make him any better…..few minutes of persuasive talk from my side (e.g. I peg you, please sir, you can have my cell, you can have me, you can have me and my younger brother, I can be your bitch :D ), he handed me the cell…..

I headed back to our building where she was waiting for me…..gosh from a far she looked perfect! I gave her the cell, kinda told her how shameful it was what she and he sister had done and asked her to fuck off… (The revenge)

I would not believe it if anybody told me that this expensively dressed girl would steal! Gosh….this is a big problem in life…..we can never tell from the appearance! Appearances can deceive anybody and everybody…. I have been deceived a lot by people who looked angel-like….. every time, I say…”well, Ihsan, you learnt a good lesson…..and from now on, you would be able to judge better….” That does not seem to work!

The moral of the story is:

“When u see such a hotie who tells you that she has lost her cell, dont be a smart-ass and investigate, just tell her that you are buying her a new one! so you may live with her happily ever after ;) ”

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Sleepless in Damascus…

It’s not yet very late, but today, and for a change, I decided to hit the bed early, so tomorrow I woke up awake not as half asleep as usual! I’ve been in bed for more than an hour! No luck….. I got all sorts of thoughts, I thought about my life, my work, and my friends! I even thought of who invented the wheels! It's weird to have such a though! I think it was the Sumerians…but not sure, actually this is why I came online now….to check this info!

I donno…..I think I’m too far from falling asleep!... I tried to read the book I had been trying to finish recently “The enigma of Ishtar”….. But didn’t feel like reading about mythologies…..

Tomorrow, I’m meeting my new boss at work. This is one of the mixed advantage/disadvantage thingy of my job. I get to work with many bosses.
The one, who just left Syria, Sharon, was one of the best ones I have had. I learnt a lot from her, she was tough and cool! But they always have to leave….oh women… wait, that saying does no fit in here! Anyways, I hope the new one will be good and working with her will be fun! AMEN!

I’m listening to an orphan CD that I have for Richard Clyderman….. Piano and guitar are my favorite instruments. I regret not learning playing them!

I’m still waiting to get admission at university! I hate waiting when it’s about a life-level step! I just need to know what I’m doing next! I wanna get out of town! I have been here all of my life but it’s time to get the hell out. I love Damascus, but maybe this is one of the reasons I should leave her….. It really hurts seeing this country goes down! People cheer the government and are full of hope….. Well, I don’t… I only see stupid and random internal and external policies; I only see increasing corruptions wherever I go…. I only see the wrong people at the wrong places…. Yet, people are waiting for a miracle! Miracles my ass!

I have a dream of establishing (in 10 years from now) my own Travel Company that will promote Syria the right way…. I have dealt with many travel agencies in Damascus, and was never satisfied…. I wanna do it right…. When people wanna visit Syria, or even if Syrians, wanna visit around, I want them to know where exactly to go, what exactly to expect! I wanna have mobile facilities to accompany groups’ buses to isolated archaeological sites (e.g. Mari Kingdom), so tourists won’t have to worry on where to piss!
I dream of making promotional commercials about Syria just like the ones that all other countries, which have tourism industry, broadcast on CNN, BBC and MBC!

Donno if one day I will have all this done…..I may…or may not….I may just be married to a fat lady and trying to feed some 6 kids that I only got cuz I had no money to buy condoms!

I feel like eating something…..or maybe drinking something….. I donno….maybe I’d better give it another try and see if I can fall asleep!

By the way, The first wheel, or lets say the oldest, was seen in a Sumerian's pictograph dated about 3500 BC as per Encyclopaedia Britannica!


Saturday, August 13, 2005

Masturbation in the eye of Science; says the Imam!

It’s Friday, or actually was, I went, just like another 4 million males, to the Friday prayer! I went to a nearby mosque! Hmmm, it’s interesting that we could still see all these gatherings these days!

The Imam took his place and decided that he was going to talk about the sin of all sins…MASTURBATION!

He mentioned how cursed and doomed are those who masturbate, and how angry God is when they masturbate…Then, he started mentioning the horrific effects that this action has on the masturbators. Of course, he started all his sentences with phrases like: “Scientists and doctors agreed on….” or "Science proves that.." I even asked the men who was next to me if I was at a mosque or a university lecture!

The Imam went on and on, quoting scientists and doctors from all over the world on how masturbation is the second in danger after AIDS on the youth of this nation!

The good thing is that he did not link it to Israel and the evil forces that are fighting Islam everyday!

I will list some of the precious quotes the Doctor Imam mentioned to hundreds of young men whose sole guilt was attending this weekly ritual!

  • It socially isolates the masturbators
  • It freezes their brains thus, they start doing bad at work and in study.
  • It makes them shaky all the time.
  • It causes permanent forgetfulness.
  • It causes short sighting!
  • It causes erection problems during sex after marriage (of course, it’s a mosque so all sex must be under the holy contract).
  • It causes lack of semen during ejaculation (in case the man was lucky to get an erection - see above line).
  • It causes some sexual diseases that will prevent men from performing sex (after marriage)
  • Above 3 will make the man not a man, or a hopeless husband who cannot sexually satisfy his wife, who will seek sexual pleasure with other men! To sum it up: Masturbation = Cheating.

Of course, as I said earlier, all above were preceded with “Doctors and scientists have agreed on and proved that……”

I looked at the young men there; they were all as white as dead! They were hypnotized by the shock; they were indicted guilty of the sin of all sins….. They will all have cheating wives; they will not be able to have sex anymore! They are doomed!

I wanted to stand and ask this Imam to shut up! He has full rights to say things that he believes in or maybe stick them to the religion, but to use science to score and make his bullshit credible! It’s outrageous!

Now, let’s move to the “Imam’s Ten advices” on how not to be a masturbator:

  1. Always fear God
  2. Always be praying and asking God for help
  3. Keep yourself busy in narrating Quran or praising God
  4. Do not look at women
  5. Do not go to places where you would be provoked to think of your desires (yup do that in Damascus).
  6. Do not watch TV as it’s evil
  7. Do not read novels and books that are not religion related.
  8. Do not listen to music
  9. Do not talk to women while looking at them (if you have to talk)
  10. Get married.

I may add another 5:

  1. Move out and find a tent in the desert
  2. Do not go out of the tent
  3. Find a place of work (if you have to leave the tent) where no women and female dogs are allowed to be in or within 15 kilometers radius of the premises.
  4. Try to have the piece of the brain, that God created it and made responsible on generating the desires and the lust we feel, removed.

If none of the above worked:

5. Cut it off and feed it to the dogs (The most efficient of all).

Poor men, those who attended this scientific and religious speech, who most likely won’t bother to verify what they heard and at the same time, they will keep masturbating, however, with much greater feeling of guilt! Nobody will stop, cuz they can’t…..if they could, they would not have needed to do it in the first place!

I feel sorry for these guys who walked to the mosque to hear advices on how to educate themselves and become better humans and Moslems, instead, they learnt that the most personal, private, pleasurable and physically harmless action they do in their life, is a fatal sin that God punishes on, before and after death!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

A Close Encounter!

I’ve been, while sitting in my room staring at everything around me, thinking, will I, or people of my age, live to witness or meet creatures from outside the galaxy? I mean, when I was a kid who enjoyed ET in the early 80s, I thought that by the time I get older, there would be new discoveries in that domain! I thought that things would be different than it was back then…. A lot of years have passed by; ET, still is a movie character only, no friendly or vicious aliens, no UFOs, except the ones in Grendizer. I have lived half of my life (statistically speaking of course)…. Yet, things are the same! I wonder if things will change in the second half of my age? Will I shake a hand, kiss, slap, shoot, fight or chase an alien before I die?

Will I ever get a “Closer Encounter” than this one? …..I’m just thinking with a loud voice…..cuz I’m fucking bored, cannot nap, home alone and cannot go anywhere as I have a friend’s wedding this evening! huffffffffffffffffff!


Monday, August 01, 2005

The Fantastic Four.....

Today, is my fourth anniversary at my current job! wow...4 years have passed already....I feel like it's been for ever!

It should have been less in half. If I wasn't stupid, I should have done something long ago! When I say something, I mean, a step, a decision or a plan! I have been saying that this is a transitional job, and it is! Then, how come I have spent 4 years at a temporary work that is not a career!?? What a loser!

I'm not nagging, I have a very well-reputed job with a pay that nobody of my age could dream of, still, that should have not numbed me at all! I used to be a very ambitious lad, not sure if I still am! Cannot tell before I move to the next step!

Those 4 years have been one of my most valuable lessons in life, yet to have. They were so full of ups and downs, happiness and sadness! I had a good start, then it got even better, before I let my 2 years notorious relation with my x girlfriend dominate my life turning me into a slave. It dominated everything in my life including my professional performance. I went down, emotionally, physically, psychologically and professionally. It was only then when I discovered how sickly winning weak I was!

I got the worst annual appraisal at work that a human being can get due to that matter and the obvious implications it had reflected on my life. I was this close to lose my job! But they say that after rain always comes a rainbow! In my rainbows or happy Indian movies endings, but I finally woke up and learnt the lesson. Ever since, I have changed my perspectives of many things, starting with love and ending with relations. I have been seeing things from a different angle. Life could be a lot better if we see it as it is not as we want to. The rainbow in my story is not a strip of colours, nor having thought-to-be-valuable things back! Nor taking revenge of anybody, as we think its what would make us feel better when we are into the deep shit, my rainbow, however, was me getting back to the old me that I miss. It's innovating the old me to protect him from getting into the trap again!

I won't act childishly, as many people do after a screw up relationship, and say that I hate love nor or there is no love..bla bla.... On the contrary, I have developed a better concept of love, purer but more clearer and more mature! I blame nobody for the previous relation but myself!

The alpha and omega is that love does strongly exist, however, having your feet swept away, or having your heart beating so hard that it would pop up out of your chest, or being unable to breath (not due to smocking problems), DO NOT mean that you are in love! Love is being loved in return, love is respect, love is honesty, love is understanding and completion of each other, love is the harmony between heart and mind. Finally, love is a lesson, could be an excruciating one, or it could be the sweetest lesson of your life. The positive thinking would be that no matter what kind of lessons it is, lessons are meant to teach us something!

Finally, I came to believe that we should go to work to work, and work only, not to socialize. It's wrong to mix between the two. Relations at the work place are built on rivalry, competitiveness and mutual interests, thus, no healthy base to build up a friendship/love relations. Maybe a casual relation with people that you see everyday, hang out with, go to dinners and parties with, but that should be it.

Few days ago, I got my new appraisal, it's the best appraisal I have ever had. I feel great, I'm feeling that I'm coming back to surface again! The reason for this feeling is the thought that I'm getting better and stronger. The thought that I may be meeting the new/old me soon :)'s alive!

Happy anniversary me!