Saturday, October 07, 2006

Father and Son

It's almost 5 AM in here, I have had a sleepless night, did nothing but going through old photos, mainly photos of me and my old man…..I haven't seen him in a couple of years. He passed away on the 24th of April 1997. But I always felt his presence by my side, years after he'd been gone….I felt his tapping on my back when I felt week… I heard his encouraging laughs whenever I did something good. He's gone. I cannot feel him anymore. I miss him. He was a great father, the best a son could ever want. I didn't have enough time with him; I was only 20 year-old when he was gone. I was right about to be in the age of becoming his close friend. He didn't want my friendship, so he was gone. He chose death rather than sticking around with me. Or is it death that was jealous because we were close? I don't care; I just miss having a father, miss having him. I could have needed his presence in my life. Why do people have to die anyway? Ever since I remember, I used to pray to god and ask him to take my life before he takes my parents'. God never listened to me. He claimed my dad's life at a time that I needed a father. At a time when a father would have taken my hands, guided me and protected me from my misjudgments.

I used to close my eyes and feel him lying in his bed and talking to me, I feel him trying to talk to me just like they way he did before he died when he was not able to speak. He spoke to me through his eyes. He was sad. I never knew why. I was right there with him, but he was sad.

Now I know why.....

It was because he knew that one day, I will stop feeling his presence…I will stop remembering him before going to bed, I will stop going to the cemetery to pay him my usual visit that didn't stop until recently. He knew it all, he closed his eyes for the last time, knowing that I will forget about him.

I let my father down......