This is it, 4 years, 3 months and 15 days of work at the Canadian Embassy in Damascus have come to an end. It has been a great experience at all levels, personal and professional. I will miss many people, Rima, Rahaf, Iman, Nariman, Jay and Hala. They were ones of my closest friends who almost became a family to me.
I’m now moving on, going to a new place, where new people, new life and new of everything. I don’t miss the work, but miss the people and of course the pay cheque at the end of every 15 days!
Life goes on………I guess…
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Monday, December 05, 2005
Coming to experience it, while I’m packing my stuff and about to switch my whole life and compromising the easy and settled life I have, to start all over with a new challenging and un-guaranteed one, is not the best thing to happen at all!
Everybody around me, especially those closest to me, who love me most, are acting without any consideration to what I really feel. I have to be the one who sucks it in all and act as if I have no feelings. As if they will suffer more than I will, as if they will miss me (the one person) more than I will be missing all of them. They act selfishly, therefore, put extra pressure that I can be grateful not to have at the very right now.
I know they won’t do that if they didn’t love me, but I’m about to explode, the last thing I need is the feel of guilt for making them feeling bad for my coming step!
I wish they know how I feel, I wish they can see through me, to see me shacking from inside, to see the tears rolling on my face every night when I lay down and start thinking of the coming, to see that I love them maybe more than they love me, to see that I will miss them more than they will do, to see that I’m the one who will be alone and they will not, to see that I’m playing Mr. Tough while I’m as weak and freaked out a helpless ant who is about to be crushed by a blind giant foot.
In addition to all what I’m going through mentally and emotionally, I keep getting surprised by how people think or translate the good will in the sick society that I live in!
I tend to be as clear and straight-forward as I can with EVERYBODY. I make sure I say it out in the open, I make sure they understand that when I wanna send a sign of any kind, I will slam it against them, hit them with it, I won’t keep anything that I feel like saying to anybody! Yet, people who claim to be the most open minded are the ones who have the biggest surprise.
How it is my problem if I answer somebody who calls me and asks to see me coz they feel shity and wanna someone to talk to? Should I just refuse coz my good deed maybe misunderstood by the very same person? How is it my problem when I answer somebody who asks for my consulting over buying something! And again, by the very same person!
I hate this society, I hate the hypocrites who are everything but not what they claim to be!
When I like a person, I will say it out loud, when I admire a person, I would say it, when I’m interested in someone, I will make sure they know it clearly. I don’t give signs, even if I do, I do it for minor messages after sending the biggest message in the form of “I like you”, “ I’m interested”, “I admire this and respect that”, "You stink", "Screw you".
Please people, if I didn’t say this to you, do not mistranslate my good deed into any of the above, cuz when I’m being nice, it means I’m being nice, this is it! When I'm being a jerk, it means I'm being a jerk and this is it, NO SIGNS and HIDDEN CLUES!
As if I can take any extra pressure on me now. I just need support as I have never needed before! I survived so many things without any support but now, I do need as much support as I can get. So far, I’m getting none, yet, they expect me to give them my support! Fuck!
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Those were the words that were to terminate my 4 years and a half of work at the Canadian Embassy in Damascus as an Immigration Program Assistant.
I submitted it today at 12:30 PM and got the approval 10 minutes later.
A month from now and I will be back to be jobless and soon after, will be back to be a student again!
I have very mixed feelings; I was shaking when I wrote the Notice of Resignation. I felt unsure and uncertain whether I was doing the right thing or not. Deep inside, I was excited because I have had enough of this job; I couldn’t get of it any better. I reached the top of it; at least this is what I think.
Being student again means I, no longer, can be as free as I have been. I will be looking for a part-time job to cover my living expenses. I don’t care what kind of work I will get. I never care what people think.
I have been stuck between the desire of moving on and taking a major step and the stability that I have been having for years. Today, I took the first step toward the unknown path of uncertainty. I’m going toward something that very few people encouraged me to, but on the other hand, most if not all of the people, did the opposite.
It’s like gambling, no guarantees of winning or losing, I will only know once I play.
I’m a risk taker, or wanna-be-one. I took this step pushed by a huge amount of adrenaline caused by the great thing that happened to me and ended 10 years of worries; the Military Service. Yes, I paid the exemption fees just yesterday and I’m now as free as I had been longing to. During the past ten years of avoiding this military, I have experienced all methods. I used all the possible and impossible ways. I paid so much money to avoid it. I did, but was always haunted by it, imprisoned by it. Not anymore. It feels great by the way.
Today, I’m feeling happy; however, uncertain if I should be, I’m trying to be positive. But the fear of unknown is a bitch that cannot be beaten, on the short term at least.
I don't know if it's the end or it's the beginning. I wish I could know, I would be more certain and less worried.
Monday, November 07, 2005
While mine does more than that, unfortunately, the people's, who I work with, do not! They are basically senseless robots. I used to find that a great advantage in them. But it's not anymore about dedication and separation between work and everything else, it exceeds to be and extreme in a way that we are no humans anymore. We are a bunch of creatures who work by the BOOK and only by the book, even if, in today's case per instance, the book was ok with the whole case. Yet, they go far with their extremes and tend to see and think that all people are like them, material and emotionless, thus, they take decisions based on what/how they see not on what it really is!
I couldn't care less.....but I work for them, and I'm the guy who delivers/implements their decisions!
Now, back to work, soldier! :-\
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Day seven: Ask him for an advice (it shows that you find him a man, yet reliable)
Day one: Be friendly (it shows that you are comfortable in his presence)
Day two: Laugh when he tells a silly joke (it shows that you find him funny not silly)
Day three: Pretend to listen when he talks, do NOT yawn, hold it till he finishes (it shows that you find him interesting, yet, deep)
Day four: Ask him for his phone number or even mailing address (it show extreme interest in getting to know him)
Day five: Call him during the day (it shows that you miss his presence around you)
Day six: Agree when he asks you out within a group (it shows that you love having him around).
Day eight: Call him late at night (it shows that you have fallen for him)
Day nine: Go out with him, just the two of you (it shows that he is the one for you)
Day ten: Don't call, don't answer, if you feel sorry for the puppy, answer, but be mean. No going outs, being busy all the time, but keep being mean.... et voila..done!
A friend called me and asked to go to the movies because there is a movie called "How to Lose a guy in ten days"....I told her: Rima, you and your Syrian fellows, must consider watching "How to keep a guy for ten days" or maybe "How to find him first" then you watch that movie! So that triggered me to put some words about this issue in a post.
I do find it stupid, the whole concept of dating and marrying here in Syria, I find it so sick. Both genders complain, both pretend to be good whilst the other gender is full of contradiction and complexes. Most of both genders claim many thing but they are nothing but hypocrites!
I'm trying not to take the stand of a man, I'm trying to be as neutral as I can, and no that does not make me gay, in case it popped up in one's mind!
Almost all the people that I know, claim that they do not want to get married through the traditional way, they all wanna go and find that one. They all keep saying so, but at the same time, they act exactly the opposite. They block almost all the possible means of meeting or getting to know new people from outside their circle. If someone from the opposite sex is bold enough to dare and put him/herself inside the circle, bad impressions and thoughts about him/her will be all around their heads. (e.g. why, hmmm, there must be something hidden, I don't trust this person, what does he/she thinks of me to ask for my number or to go to a concert!)
We claim at one point.....that we care about the core of the person, we care not about money and look...well, core my ass....non of us (boys and girls), gives a rat's ass about the core when this person is presented as a possible match....it's all about the look and the money after all. I'm not against that, just think that it's no shame to say what we are looking for out and loud.
A person that I know, knows a person who met a girl, in no time, he loved her and tattooed her name on his bicep! Shortly after, they broke up. He was crying in the street and telling her that he even tattooed her name so how come she was leaving him! While this is nothing but a teenage-style relation, but the fact is, it does widely exist. The misconception of what love is about, is widely spread in our heads. We think we know what does love means, we think we know what marriage is about, and we think we know all about relations and the opposite sex, but the fact is...we know nothing! We grow up in a closed society and at certain level, we managed to have some freedom, we grew without learning about the opposite sex, we grew to see them as monster, the learning age in our society is between 18 up to 40s.... and it's a really dangerous age to learn about relations at. cuz we pay, the opposite sex pays for the learning lessons we have.
I'm just really annoyed to know so many great girls and great boys who haven't found their soul mates just because they don't trust the opposite sex, just because they were fed ideas about how dangerous it could be to break the pattern that their ancestors followed in finding their mates. Yet, they have evolved enough to know that they cannot comply with the same pattern cuz life and concepts are much different now than then. They were put in contradiction made by the society.
There is no clear aim or idea for this post.... just relations related thoughts!
As for the introductory 10 days advices, I wrote them cuz I believe that the lake of experience with the opposite sex makes us vulnerable to be mistreated and misused by the people from the other sex who have more experience in the world of relations, most likely, people who have been mistreated in previous relation when they had no experience!
Sunday, September 25, 2005
For so many years, I always felt a special relation between God and myself, even though I’m not a religiously well practicing person! But still, felt this relation and always felt protected and loved by Him.
I used to have him always answering my prays, that are mainly related to me not others, always felt His existence in my life, I used to walk feeling secure, yet, I was free of all the ideologies, materialism and concepts of the nowadays religions.
Recently, I had felt that we have lost this special relation, I felt abandoned, but at the same time, I felt it was my mistake for I had sinned a lot, and still do. I felt lonely and my personal prays were not responded anymore! I asked for many things of which I got nothing!
I didn’t complain, because, for sometime, I thought that a relation of confidence and pure trust in God, from my side, maybe was not enough. I thought that I may have been wrong in all the concepts that I have grown to believe in. I thought that I may should be like all those people who put their brains aside and give in themselves to concepts and ideas of a fearful relationship with God, a relation filled with taboos that nobody can tell why they are so, all what they can say is “we were told so!” A relation that is full of contradictions, whereas on one hand, we read God’s words insisting on us to work hard and to use nothing but our brains in judgments and in all the aspects of our life, but on the other hand, we only use our eyes to read some books that have human’s explanations and views of what they thought\think was the religion is about. These books and those people are almost given the same sacredness and holiness as God’s. No, they are now even stronger than God; people neglected God’s words and followed those people’s words.
For a while I started to think that I was wrong and those people were right! Life could be a mixture of taboos, orders and social habits in the form of religious practices and commands. However, I hadn’t been able to switch and become one of them. I was lost and confused!
Today, something happened to me and may proceed to be something that I had been asking God for. It’s LITERALY the way I asked for! It could have happened in many other ways, but it simply went in the exact way I had been asking God to grant for me. I feel overwhelmed, but at the same time, embarrassed for not keeping the faith in the relation between God and myself. I was not wrong, I was never abandoned. God do love us unconditionally, at least, this is how I feel relieved to believe in, so far, this is what life has been proving to me!
Thank you God!
Monday, September 12, 2005
It was a well spent vacation; I had never been to any of these two cities.
Idleb is so small and calm, windy though. There is almost nothing to do there. NOTHING! People are nice however.
Aleppo on the other hand, is so alive, I didn’t like the restaurants there, but surely loved the streets and the buildings.
After Aleppo, we hit the road heading to Tartous, we took the long road through Al-Ghab valley, passing by many villages.
We reached the sea shore after 3 hours! Gosh I so badly wanted to swim, was late when we got there, so we just cleaned the chalet and went for dinner. Later on that night, we went to a new place opened on the beach called “La Plage” which is a branch of the famous “Gemini Group” restaurants, owned by one of the bigwigs in Syria!
At that night, I lost my virginity towards smoking and had my first Argileh ever. They say that first time can never be forgotten. Well, I didn’t like it, even though I had it every night while I was there but it was tasteless and gave me nothing. Maybe with the absence of me loving it, it gets more like a physical action that consist of sucking and nibbling the plastic end, then blowing the smoke out in the air. Kept doing it till as late as 4 AM. I wasn’t tired at all ;)
Next morning, I was up early, since I’m a morning person. Couldn’t wait any longer; so I was in the water few minutes after. The water was great, the best swim in my life. I never spent time in the water as I did that day; I spent most of the day between the beach and the water. The evening went on as the day before.
The next morning was a different story! I woke up to see a red-as-tomato body! I was severely sun-burnt. I was on fire. My vacation was officially ruined! I used some ointment that was supposed to heal me; it was as useless as it can be.
The night was a nightmare, I hardly stayed outside for a while then inside with the AC turned on and set to -500. Of course, no clothes were to touch my red body!
The day after was again, blank, no water, I hardly managed to have a walk on the beach early in the morning. No swimming at all however!
I have no clue what the hell I was supposed to do! I see people on the beach all day long but they are there everyday, not just one day! I used a sun oil just like the one I saw them using! So why did that happen to me! I hardly take any vacation!
I checked with a friend doctor, I was told that I have second degree burns and he prescribed me a whole bunch of medications :(
Having said all that, I have no regrets, I really enjoyed this vacation, I still have a weirdly colored body but what the hell….
The alpha and omega, I had some really good time over the past week, away from everything and everybody that I know.
It feels great to be away where there is a sea close to you!
Sunday, September 04, 2005
I feel like really old, grown up! As if the whole 28 years I have lived already were in the last year only!
Theorically, I have lived half my life already! I'm in good health, have all my beloved family around me except for my father. There is nothing to complain about!
Then, why I'm feeling like a shit (donno if shit can actually feels but it's just an expression.) I feel I have done nothing for myself!
Study: still struggling to get admission at some well-reputed university in Canada, trying to convince them that it's so different here in Damascus, we study to pass not to learn, we enrol to avoid military service not to improve ourselves, so far, no success!
Work: No career has been launched yet! No clue of what I wanna do nor how to.
Friends: I have a lot, however, the close ones, or thought-to-be-close, are gone or turned out not to be as thought to be!...with exceptions for sure.
Love: Failure, no success! Met lovely people, but no sudden sparks. I guess, at my age, no more sparks, no more first-sight thingy, no more liking someone by watching how they walk, eat, talk, laugh, kiss, hug, cry and touch! It's now about how they think and no need to tell how hard it's to get to know that and the hidden surprises along the way!
Oh, I miss the simplicity of it.
Health & fitness: I wear glasses, have 9 extra kilos of weight, haven't been to the gym since March (when I severely twisted my ankle at work). But I guess I'm fine, it could be worse...... I must not grumble!
Last year's birthday, I celebrated in Der Ezzor, it was a surprise party at Cham Hotel there. ( You gotta see the singer, wow, been in that region for few days, she was like a drop of water in the throat of a person who is dying of thirst. Hehe)
This year, I went out with my bloggers friends the day before. I went with this new (weirdo) girl that I'm currently dating (!!), then went with some friends to Bloudan, then with my family! and today with my friends at work! Gosh, all this to remind me of the infamous 28 :(
No wishes for the new year, stopped being silly and make wishes! there is no such a thing! It's a drug to numb and make things easier!
Hope, it's a different story, I do have hope! it's the food of my soul. My hope, however, is to be able to hold, stay still, never let go, do not collapse, keep my words and promises, retain my honesty and straight-forwardness.
By the way, Honesty and straight-forwardness in our society do not get you laid, but they make you feel really good and self-satisfied, maybe better than what sex makes you feel....to a certain extent, I must say :D
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
My world is changing, our world. Or maybe it’s the age thing! I’m starting a new year in few days and feel like I have lived twice my age in term of everything but achievements!
Today, at around 10 PM, I was going to my best friend’s place. The moment I left the building, I saw this girl, she was just perfect, and don’t get me started on the bonnet she was wearing or the mini-skirt or how she looked in general……anyways, she was really attractive, and worth noticing…. Yet, she was standing outside our building and she looked as if she’s been crying! I got curious….and to be honest, interested!
I walked towards here and asked if everything was ok. She yelled at me and asked me to fuck off…..(hmmm, pretty nasty ha?). I repeated my question and she started crying….To tell you the truth, I didn’t look good….I mean, standing at 10 PM with a crying girl who was provocatively dressed!
Anyway, I’m a stubborn dude ….Eventually, she told me that she had lost he cell phone……I said “fuck”…all this drama for a freaking cell phone! I thought she lost her family in a plane crush! She said that her mom would kill her is she went home without it. I did my best to talk her into seeing how silly this was! Her voice went louder! I asked her how she lost it, she said that she had forgotten it at some nearby store and most likely the guy there took it….. I asked her to come with me and we went to the store where she used my cell to call hers….it was off!
The guy denied any knowledge of such a cell…….we walked away and she was really crazy, furious and scared to death! I asked her to wait and went back to the store…..
I walked in and tried to wear a serious face…..and told the guy that I knew he had the cell but I would want to solve it without any troubles…..I guess I sounded serious enough…..so he confessed and told me his side of the story.
She came with her few years old sister, and were asking about the prices of some goods, they bought nothing and left shortly, once they walked away, he noticed a missing big chocolate bar (worth 200 pounds)….He talked to his neighbor who said that he’d seen a hottie and a little girl who were carrying it outside…. The guy cursed and turned back to his store to find a cell phone put aside….She had forgotten her cell phone in there, Allah kbeeer (God is Almighty) he said, she stole but forgot her stuff…
Shortly later, she came back, he confronted her, she denied and so he told her that he won’t give her the phone until her parents come and take it…….Then she walked away, the guy said….
Ok, I was surprised to hear this story! But donno…believed this guy….. I pretended to be the hottie’s neighbor and told him that I will deal with it, and that he could call the police if he wanted but to steal something from her…..it didn’t make him any better…..few minutes of persuasive talk from my side (e.g. I peg you, please sir, you can have my cell, you can have me, you can have me and my younger brother, I can be your bitch :D ), he handed me the cell…..
I headed back to our building where she was waiting for me…..gosh from a far she looked perfect! I gave her the cell, kinda told her how shameful it was what she and he sister had done and asked her to fuck off… (The revenge)
I would not believe it if anybody told me that this expensively dressed girl would steal! Gosh….this is a big problem in life…..we can never tell from the appearance! Appearances can deceive anybody and everybody…. I have been deceived a lot by people who looked angel-like….. every time, I say…”well, Ihsan, you learnt a good lesson…..and from now on, you would be able to judge better….” That does not seem to work!
The moral of the story is:
“When u see such a hotie who tells you that she has lost her cell, dont be a smart-ass and investigate, just tell her that you are buying her a new one! so you may live with her happily ever after ;) ”
Sunday, August 14, 2005
I donno…..I think I’m too far from falling asleep!... I tried to read the book I had been trying to finish recently “The enigma of Ishtar”….. But didn’t feel like reading about mythologies…..
Tomorrow, I’m meeting my new boss at work. This is one of the mixed advantage/disadvantage thingy of my job. I get to work with many bosses.
The one, who just left Syria, Sharon, was one of the best ones I have had. I learnt a lot from her, she was tough and cool! But they always have to leave….oh women… wait, that saying does no fit in here! Anyways, I hope the new one will be good and working with her will be fun! AMEN!
I’m listening to an orphan CD that I have for Richard Clyderman….. Piano and guitar are my favorite instruments. I regret not learning playing them!
I’m still waiting to get admission at university! I hate waiting when it’s about a life-level step! I just need to know what I’m doing next! I wanna get out of town! I have been here all of my life but it’s time to get the hell out. I love Damascus, but maybe this is one of the reasons I should leave her….. It really hurts seeing this country goes down! People cheer the government and are full of hope….. Well, I don’t… I only see stupid and random internal and external policies; I only see increasing corruptions wherever I go…. I only see the wrong people at the wrong places…. Yet, people are waiting for a miracle! Miracles my ass!
I have a dream of establishing (in 10 years from now) my own Travel Company that will promote Syria the right way…. I have dealt with many travel agencies in Damascus, and was never satisfied…. I wanna do it right…. When people wanna visit Syria, or even if Syrians, wanna visit around, I want them to know where exactly to go, what exactly to expect! I wanna have mobile facilities to accompany groups’ buses to isolated archaeological sites (e.g. Mari Kingdom), so tourists won’t have to worry on where to piss!
I dream of making promotional commercials about Syria just like the ones that all other countries, which have tourism industry, broadcast on CNN, BBC and MBC!
Donno if one day I will have all this done…..I may…or may not….I may just be married to a fat lady and trying to feed some 6 kids that I only got cuz I had no money to buy condoms!
I feel like eating something…..or maybe drinking something….. I donno….maybe I’d better give it another try and see if I can fall asleep!
By the way, The first wheel, or lets say the oldest, was seen in a Sumerian's pictograph dated about 3500 BC as per Encyclopaedia Britannica!
Saturday, August 13, 2005
It’s Friday, or actually was, I went, just like another 4 million males, to the Friday prayer! I went to a nearby mosque! Hmmm, it’s interesting that we could still see all these gatherings these days!
The Imam took his place and decided that he was going to talk about the sin of all sins…MASTURBATION!
He mentioned how cursed and doomed are those who masturbate, and how angry God is when they masturbate…Then, he started mentioning the horrific effects that this action has on the masturbators. Of course, he started all his sentences with phrases like: “Scientists and doctors agreed on….” or "Science proves that.." I even asked the men who was next to me if I was at a mosque or a university lecture!
The Imam went on and on, quoting scientists and doctors from all over the world on how masturbation is the second in danger after AIDS on the youth of this nation!
The good thing is that he did not link it to Israel and the evil forces that are fighting Islam everyday!
I will list some of the precious quotes the Doctor Imam mentioned to hundreds of young men whose sole guilt was attending this weekly ritual!
- It socially isolates the masturbators
- It freezes their brains thus, they start doing bad at work and in study.
- It makes them shaky all the time.
- It causes permanent forgetfulness.
- It causes short sighting!
- It causes erection problems during sex after marriage (of course, it’s a mosque so all sex must be under the holy contract).
- It causes lack of semen during ejaculation (in case the man was lucky to get an erection - see above line).
- It causes some sexual diseases that will prevent men from performing sex (after marriage)
- Above 3 will make the man not a man, or a hopeless husband who cannot sexually satisfy his wife, who will seek sexual pleasure with other men! To sum it up: Masturbation = Cheating.
Of course, as I said earlier, all above were preceded with “Doctors and scientists have agreed on and proved that……”
I looked at the young men there; they were all as white as dead! They were hypnotized by the shock; they were indicted guilty of the sin of all sins….. They will all have cheating wives; they will not be able to have sex anymore! They are doomed!
I wanted to stand and ask this Imam to shut up! He has full rights to say things that he believes in or maybe stick them to the religion, but to use science to score and make his bullshit credible! It’s outrageous!
Now, let’s move to the “Imam’s Ten advices” on how not to be a masturbator:
- Always fear God
- Always be praying and asking God for help
- Keep yourself busy in narrating Quran or praising God
- Do not look at women
- Do not go to places where you would be provoked to think of your desires (yup do that in Damascus).
- Do not watch TV as it’s evil
- Do not read novels and books that are not religion related.
- Do not listen to music
- Do not talk to women while looking at them (if you have to talk)
- Get married.
I may add another 5:
- Move out and find a tent in the desert
- Do not go out of the tent
- Find a place of work (if you have to leave the tent) where no women and female dogs are allowed to be in or within 15 kilometers radius of the premises.
- Try to have the piece of the brain, that God created it and made responsible on generating the desires and the lust we feel, removed.
If none of the above worked:
5. Cut it off and feed it to the dogs (The most efficient of all).
Poor men, those who attended this scientific and religious speech, who most likely won’t bother to verify what they heard and at the same time, they will keep masturbating, however, with much greater feeling of guilt! Nobody will stop, cuz they can’t…..if they could, they would not have needed to do it in the first place!
I feel sorry for these guys who walked to the mosque to hear advices on how to educate themselves and become better humans and Moslems, instead, they learnt that the most personal, private, pleasurable and physically harmless action they do in their life, is a fatal sin that God punishes on, before and after death!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Will I ever get a “Closer Encounter” than this one? …..I’m just thinking with a loud voice…..cuz I’m fucking bored, cannot nap, home alone and cannot go anywhere as I have a friend’s wedding this evening! huffffffffffffffffff!
Monday, August 01, 2005
It should have been less in half. If I wasn't stupid, I should have done something long ago! When I say something, I mean, a step, a decision or a plan! I have been saying that this is a transitional job, and it is! Then, how come I have spent 4 years at a temporary work that is not a career!?? What a loser!
I'm not nagging, I have a very well-reputed job with a pay that nobody of my age could dream of, still, that should have not numbed me at all! I used to be a very ambitious lad, not sure if I still am! Cannot tell before I move to the next step!
Those 4 years have been one of my most valuable lessons in life, yet to have. They were so full of ups and downs, happiness and sadness! I had a good start, then it got even better, before I let my 2 years notorious relation with my x girlfriend dominate my life turning me into a slave. It dominated everything in my life including my professional performance. I went down, emotionally, physically, psychologically and professionally. It was only then when I discovered how sickly winning weak I was!
I got the worst annual appraisal at work that a human being can get due to that matter and the obvious implications it had reflected on my life. I was this close to lose my job! But they say that after rain always comes a rainbow! In my case....no rainbows or happy Indian movies endings, but I finally woke up and learnt the lesson. Ever since, I have changed my perspectives of many things, starting with love and ending with relations. I have been seeing things from a different angle. Life could be a lot better if we see it as it is not as we want to. The rainbow in my story is not a strip of colours, nor having thought-to-be-valuable things back! Nor taking revenge of anybody, as we think its what would make us feel better when we are into the deep shit, my rainbow, however, was me getting back to the old me that I miss. It's innovating the old me to protect him from getting into the trap again!
I won't act childishly, as many people do after a screw up relationship, and say that I hate love nor or there is no love..bla bla.... On the contrary, I have developed a better concept of love, purer but more clearer and more mature! I blame nobody for the previous relation but myself!
The alpha and omega is that love does strongly exist, however, having your feet swept away, or having your heart beating so hard that it would pop up out of your chest, or being unable to breath (not due to smocking problems), DO NOT mean that you are in love! Love is being loved in return, love is respect, love is honesty, love is understanding and completion of each other, love is the harmony between heart and mind. Finally, love is a lesson, could be an excruciating one, or it could be the sweetest lesson of your life. The positive thinking would be that no matter what kind of lessons it is, lessons are meant to teach us something!
Finally, I came to believe that we should go to work to work, and work only, not to socialize. It's wrong to mix between the two. Relations at the work place are built on rivalry, competitiveness and mutual interests, thus, no healthy base to build up a friendship/love relations. Maybe a casual relation with people that you see everyday, hang out with, go to dinners and parties with, but that should be it.
Few days ago, I got my new appraisal, it's the best appraisal I have ever had. I feel great, I'm feeling that I'm coming back to surface again! The reason for this feeling is the thought that I'm getting better and stronger. The thought that I may be meeting the new/old me soon :)....it's alive!
Happy anniversary me!
Sunday, July 31, 2005
I have been into a discussion with a sophisticated Iraqi guy, who does not believe in the existence of God, and believes that religions are hoaxes! Man, I got nothing else to say...I ran out of words! we both seem to be going in a circle!
The topic of discussion is "Noah's ark"...He is arguing that the story is originated from a Sumerian Myth and it was then copied into the Torah and later on, the Quran! However, Myth is not a true story but more of a simple human explanation of existence with no real background!....while I define myth as a simple human explanation of a natural phenomenon that occurred in the past where no science existed!
He's working on proving, theorically, that Quran is summering the Torah story. His approach is built on this argument. Why? cuz the Torah story tells of a huge flood that wiped the whole earth! Scientifically, this is wrong! My approach is that the Quran version of this story does not indicate the whole earth thing. It simply tells of a flood that drowned the Folks of Noah regardless of other humans that could be living somewhere else! This, does not contradict any scientific discovery in regard to this great flood that occurred likely in 4000 BC!
A misconception, I have sensed during discussing this story with Moslems and Christians, is that they believe the Torah story about drowning the whole EARTH! They also think that he took on board a couple of ALL animals as an indication of the massiveness of this flood! My argument here is that he took animals with him in order to insure his survival after the flood....not the survival of their species! He would need milk and meat as well as to grow corpses, so they can feed!
Which one has more sense? SENSE is my background, nothing more!
We have been discussing it for like a couple of weeks! Non of us seem to withdraw their point of view....for one simple reason! Non of what we say can be proved! It's all theories! and most important, it's all up to what we believe in and how we believe in it!
Saturday, July 30, 2005
We went to the Umayyad mosque; it was so crowded and full of Iranians doing their rituals at the shrine of Al-Hussain.
We had to cancel the tour early cuz she didn’t feel ok, so we stayed at Al-Nafoora coffee place….where I had the worst tea I EVER had! Yuck! I should have stuck to the water….
Anyways, I wanted to write a post about yesterday’s Friday prayer……but keep not getting a chance! I have just finished the look of this blog! (Like it?)…
I’m hungry and should get some sleep, even though I do not nap usually, but I’m going to this party with some people at 10 PM at Sednaya! Yeah, it’s crazy, especially that I have to be at work tomorrow at 8:00 AM! So let’s see how the party goes!
P.S. I only know 3 persons at this party…out of a million! But what the heck!
I got some photos to post, will do that as soon as I get the chance!
Eh sa7i, teh title of this post has nothing to do with it!!.....I'm just posting after I finished working on this blog that took me a whole hour!
Friday, July 29, 2005
Yesterday, I got to meet with a bunch of Syrian bloggers, the elite in this sort of activities… I had thought a lot before I decided to go…. I was the newest and hadn’t met anyone of them before, except for Ayman of The Damascene Blog, who I had met twice in a course at the British Council some 9 years ago!
There were 10 of them (11 including me)…. They are all nice, even though I didn’t get the chance to know much of them, ya3nee, the first impression was ok, all were young, English speakers (since all of them have English blogs), educated and somehow…cool!
I really didn’t get the chance to know enough but a few of them really got me interested to know more about….. To name them (and I should not, but what the hell!)… let’s see, There is (random order ;) Ghalia, Yazan, Amr, Sara and Ayman……I donno…. It’s what I felt! I could be wrong! The others are, as said before, nice, but didn’t get the same impression! Oh wait, there is Zena, she is very shy and extra nice. Her shyness, however, made her silent most of the time. As for the rest, maybe they were too silent and too calm or sat far from me so we couldn't talk at all! Anyway, days are still to come and I will update my impression accordingly ;)
They are all Damascene except for Yazan, who is from Lattakia and came to attend the meet up (cool ha?) I don’t think I would go to a meet up if it was held in Homs! But I guess it’s the age! Since I think I was the oldest among them!! Eh :-
The meet up took place at Laila's…… I had to leave early cuz I had to be somewhere else for dinner and stuff…., not with bloggers this time ;)