“Please accept my resignation to be effective on December 17, 2005.”
Those were the words that were to terminate my 4 years and a half of work at the Canadian Embassy in Damascus as an Immigration Program Assistant.
I submitted it today at 12:30 PM and got the approval 10 minutes later.
A month from now and I will be back to be jobless and soon after, will be back to be a student again!
I have very mixed feelings; I was shaking when I wrote the Notice of Resignation. I felt unsure and uncertain whether I was doing the right thing or not. Deep inside, I was excited because I have had enough of this job; I couldn’t get of it any better. I reached the top of it; at least this is what I think.
Being student again means I, no longer, can be as free as I have been. I will be looking for a part-time job to cover my living expenses. I don’t care what kind of work I will get. I never care what people think.
I have been stuck between the desire of moving on and taking a major step and the stability that I have been having for years. Today, I took the first step toward the unknown path of uncertainty. I’m going toward something that very few people encouraged me to, but on the other hand, most if not all of the people, did the opposite.
It’s like gambling, no guarantees of winning or losing, I will only know once I play.
I’m a risk taker, or wanna-be-one. I took this step pushed by a huge amount of adrenaline caused by the great thing that happened to me and ended 10 years of worries; the Military Service. Yes, I paid the exemption fees just yesterday and I’m now as free as I had been longing to. During the past ten years of avoiding this military, I have experienced all methods. I used all the possible and impossible ways. I paid so much money to avoid it. I did, but was always haunted by it, imprisoned by it. Not anymore. It feels great by the way.
Today, I’m feeling happy; however, uncertain if I should be, I’m trying to be positive. But the fear of unknown is a bitch that cannot be beaten, on the short term at least.
I don't know if it's the end or it's the beginning. I wish I could know, I would be more certain and less worried.