Thursday, November 17, 2005

Termination

“Please accept my resignation to be effective on December 17, 2005.”


Those were the words that were to terminate my 4 years and a half of work at the Canadian Embassy in Damascus as an Immigration Program Assistant.

I submitted it today at 12:30 PM and got the approval 10 minutes later.

A month from now and I will be back to be jobless and soon after, will be back to be a student again!

I have very mixed feelings; I was shaking when I wrote the Notice of Resignation. I felt unsure and uncertain whether I was doing the right thing or not. Deep inside, I was excited because I have had enough of this job; I couldn’t get of it any better. I reached the top of it; at least this is what I think.

Being student again means I, no longer, can be as free as I have been. I will be looking for a part-time job to cover my living expenses. I don’t care what kind of work I will get. I never care what people think.

I have been stuck between the desire of moving on and taking a major step and the stability that I have been having for years. Today, I took the first step toward the unknown path of uncertainty. I’m going toward something that very few people encouraged me to, but on the other hand, most if not all of the people, did the opposite.

It’s like gambling, no guarantees of winning or losing, I will only know once I play.

I’m a risk taker, or wanna-be-one. I took this step pushed by a huge amount of adrenaline caused by the great thing that happened to me and ended 10 years of worries; the Military Service. Yes, I paid the exemption fees just yesterday and I’m now as free as I had been longing to. During the past ten years of avoiding this military, I have experienced all methods. I used all the possible and impossible ways. I paid so much money to avoid it. I did, but was always haunted by it, imprisoned by it. Not anymore. It feels great by the way.

Today, I’m feeling happy; however, uncertain if I should be, I’m trying to be positive. But the fear of unknown is a bitch that cannot be beaten, on the short term at least.

I don't know if it's the end or it's the beginning. I wish I could know, I would be more certain and less worried.

12 comments:

Sinan said...

Well best of luck :)

Yazan said...

Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I usually shy away from leaving message on blogs. I felt compelled to do so after reading you. I can only imagine the kind of turmoil and emotional instability you are going through but I believe that everything happens for a reason. And in the big scheme of things going to the unknown is a way to discover one self. I am sure good things will happen to you as long as you don't look back with regrets.

Boutheyna

Anonymous said...

By the way it is not a termination it is a resignation since you initiated it

Ghalia said...

Good luck Ihsan, best of luck.
cheers

Sharks said...

best of luck Ihsan!!

Tolerant Damascene said...

Good luck on the future ;) and congrats for paying off that inhumane, and immoral bitch, that is called M. Service.

Dina said...

Good luck Ihsan, you fear of the unkown will soon vanish as soon as you start to experience the good things that are instore :)

Anonymous said...

Allow me to pop some thoughts here... Well done!!! I think that is the beginning of your adventure of discocvering the fate that is offered to you... whatever happened as long as you keep your faith and allow your self to express your thought, you will be contented. Isn't life exciting?!!!!

Zena said...

That reminded me of when I left my work as a teacher, it was hard and everyone thought I was crazy, but it turned out well, and I don't regret taking that step.

Good Luck

Omar said...

good luck Ihsan. Lately I have realized that without risk, there can be no drastic improvement.. This realization camer from observing people around me. Anyhow just wanted to remind you of Rocky always says
"no pain no gain!"

GraY FoX said...

the best of the best of luck for you buddy....
I hope you decision was not a gambling idea.. it's a winning game for you for sure ... be well