Thursday, October 20, 2005

How to screw up a Syrian man in ten days!



Day one: Be friendly (it shows that you are comfortable in his presence)
Day two: Laugh when he tells a silly joke (it shows that you find him funny not silly)
Day three: Pretend to listen when he talks, do NOT yawn, hold it till he finishes (it shows that you find him interesting, yet, deep)
Day four: Ask him for his phone number or even mailing address (it show extreme interest in getting to know him)
Day five: Call him during the day (it shows that you miss his presence around you)
Day six: Agree when he asks you out within a group (it shows that you love having him around).

Day seven: Ask him for an advice (it shows that you find him a man, yet reliable)
Day eight: Call him late at night (it shows that you have fallen for him)
Day nine: Go out with him, just the two of you (it shows that he is the one for you)
Day ten: Don't call, don't answer, if you feel sorry for the puppy, answer, but be mean. No going outs, being busy all the time, but keep being mean.... et voila..done!


A friend called me and asked to go to the movies because there is a movie called "How to Lose a guy in ten days"....I told her: Rima, you and your Syrian fellows, must consider watching "How to keep a guy for ten days" or maybe "How to find him first" then you watch that movie! So that triggered me to put some words about this issue in a post.

I do find it stupid, the whole concept of dating and marrying here in Syria, I find it so sick. Both genders complain, both pretend to be good whilst the other gender is full of contradiction and complexes. Most of both genders claim many thing but they are nothing but hypocrites!

I'm trying not to take the stand of a man, I'm trying to be as neutral as I can, and no that does not make me gay, in case it popped up in one's mind!

Almost all the people that I know, claim that they do not want to get married through the traditional way, they all wanna go and find that one. They all keep saying so, but at the same time, they act exactly the opposite. They block almost all the possible means of meeting or getting to know new people from outside their circle. If someone from the opposite sex is bold enough to dare and put him/herself inside the circle, bad impressions and thoughts about him/her will be all around their heads. (e.g. why, hmmm, there must be something hidden, I don't trust this person, what does he/she thinks of me to ask for my number or to go to a concert!)

We claim at one point.....that we care about the core of the person, we care not about money and look...well, core my ass....non of us (boys and girls), gives a rat's ass about the core when this person is presented as a possible match....it's all about the look and the money after all. I'm not against that, just think that it's no shame to say what we are looking for out and loud.

A person that I know, knows a person who met a girl, in no time, he loved her and tattooed her name on his bicep! Shortly after, they broke up. He was crying in the street and telling her that he even tattooed her name so how come she was leaving him! While this is nothing but a teenage-style relation, but the fact is, it does widely exist. The misconception of what love is about, is widely spread in our heads. We think we know what does love means, we think we know what marriage is about, and we think we know all about relations and the opposite sex, but the fact is...we know nothing! We grow up in a closed society and at certain level, we managed to have some freedom, we grew without learning about the opposite sex, we grew to see them as monster, the learning age in our society is between 18 up to 40s.... and it's a really dangerous age to learn about relations at. cuz we pay, the opposite sex pays for the learning lessons we have.

I'm just really annoyed to know so many great girls and great boys who haven't found their soul mates just because they don't trust the opposite sex, just because they were fed ideas about how dangerous it could be to break the pattern that their ancestors followed in finding their mates. Yet, they have evolved enough to know that they cannot comply with the same pattern cuz life and concepts are much different now than then. They were put in contradiction made by the society.

There is no clear aim or idea for this post.... just relations related thoughts!

As for the introductory 10 days advices, I wrote them cuz I believe that the lake of experience with the opposite sex makes us vulnerable to be mistreated and misused by the people from the other sex who have more experience in the world of relations, most likely, people who have been mistreated in previous relation when they had no experience!

14 comments:

Sinan said...

Yeah we Syrians an Arabs in general have serious trust issues in everything, but still Ihsan there is something you've mentioned implicitly and I’d like to shed more light on it, some of our generation are in a dilemma it's either the traditional way and hence your parents approval and bless or the get-to-know-them-before way which would jeopardize their relationship with their families, this is a living hell for them, and may be a strong reason behind their trust issues problem.

moryarti said...

Placing diabolic 10-day agenda aside, I see where you coming from Ihsan.

Back in Uni, i knew a bunch of Syrian girls that were full of life, ambition and aspirations.

The night before graduation night(way back ago), one of them opened her heart to me and spoke of her worries to get back to syria where things are already "planned" out for her.

She was an intelligent, highly sophisticated and confident young intellect. She always told me about many business ideas and ventures.

That evening (before the commencement), she said that she is 100% she is gonna end up walking right into a living-room marriage arrangement, have 3 kids in 3 years, and most probably, won't be able to be in touch with any of her college buddies anymore.

Her prophecy was fulfilled - she did turn into what is known today as a desperate house wife. I never herd from her again, a common friend told me she got hitched to one of her cousins and the only job she has is to tame 3 wild children... go figure

Yazan said...

We have trust issues, we have freedom issues, and we definitley have honesty issues...
Living through what ur talking about everyday... makes it harder to comment on it...

Cute NK2 said...

Dishonesty and misunderstaning form the largest part of the relationship issue here , also fear. fear or rejection and fear of a non-furtive future .
there are lots of guys and girls who got accustomed to being in a relationship just for fun and showing off..how I hate that.
life is short for that guys..

Zena said...

I guess we expect alot from each other, we have those certain customized pictures in our heads and when we are facing reality, all shatters like glass.
I said it before, it is not simple and never going to be. We are not honest, some try to be, but I think when you have a relation on the line, you tend to act differently, you want to keep that someone, if you realize he/she is not what you want, you will switch back to the real you, and then you are accused of not being who you really are.
Kind of confusing, I know.

The point is, we are not the same, and I thank God for that, we seek different things and that covers relationships as well.

I don't remember who wrote a comment or a post about not finding girls, and when I read that I laughed, because I remebered how we some timeslook beyond what is here infront of us and by doing so, we miss our chances of finding the person who is meant for us.

We just can't have it all, we are never going to have it all.

Anonymous said...

owh my god! u r so rite :)

Sharks said...

No matter how we try to simplify it...still it's a complicated issue...it's true that we r somehow trapped between our traditions religion n' society on one hand n' what work for us n' make us happy on the other...cus no matter how much we hate our traditions we can't just ignore it n' pretend it's not there...but we can always go around it:P...

it's all true...the dishonesty n' trust issues...let us not forget also the narcissism n' low self-esteem issues...whatever!...i stopped thinking about it...i always tell myself u can't lose what's not meant to be u'rs...don't take if u'r not willing to give...n' what 2pac says "take a lil more time love will find u"...n' No expectations No disappointments (from Dr. Becker;)...
n' for those out there who r just interested in adding another name to the LIST...well...i hope he/she will rot in hell...

Dima said...

This is not only a problem in Syria, it's a problem with people everywhere. But even here in US, me and my cousins and friends who are Syrian, go through the same thing. It's even harder, because there are very few Syrians and they're very spread out. But everything you say is true.

GraY FoX said...

unfortunately relationships had become immitating more than being involved in feelings and thoughts...
it's either that few people are right... and the others are wrong .. or we are facing the same issue of " river of madness " Nahr aljonoon by tawfik alhakim

pissed off said...

mmmmm very funny... how to screw up a syrian man in ten days???? in fact, what happened to me was the opposite... it was a syrian man who did all those ten steps towards me.... maybe u guys genetically have this strategy in mind .... oh well...

Syrians Unite said...

Support Syrian people who are caught in the middle! Check the new Friends of Syria website and sign the list.
http://www.friendsofsyria.com/index.php

supreem said...

this post was soo interesting. I am orginally syrian but live in america. I was googling things about syria.. and you know what, I found those same issues very frustrating while i was in syria.. and even in america you find the same problem amongst muslim (syrian and non-syrian) men.

reanalhallak said...

salam.. iv been googling for quite sometime now abt Syria and come accross with ur blog.
I am frm the philippines and i hav ds Syrian boyfriend..
we work here in saudi and obviously we meet here..

wat i read abt the tradition.. mothers want their son to marry their own kind(i mean syrian as well) makes me scared.. my man s planning en arranging his papers for us to get married.. but f things like ds are going on.. how xur am i dat my man can stand by me against all odds? wat f his mother will oppose ds idea?

can u pls enlighten me? i love my boyfren but f tym comes he will screw by future, its a no no to me.. i dnt want to live in regrets ang might be's.

tnx

reanalhallak said...

salam.. iv been googling for quite sometime now abt Syria and come accross with ur blog.
I am frm the philippines and i hav ds Syrian boyfriend..
we work here in saudi and obviously we meet here..

wat i read abt the tradition.. mothers want their son to marry their own kind(i mean syrian as well) makes me scared.. my man s planning en arranging his papers for us to get married.. but f things like ds are going on.. how xur am i dat my man can stand by me against all odds? wat f his mother will oppose ds idea?

can u pls enlighten me? i love my boyfren but f tym comes he will screw by future, its a no no to me.. i dnt want to live in regrets ang might be's.

tnx