1000 reasons why I suck!

Here it goes, summer has softly hit the island. Beautiful scenery and great weather, well most of the time, fresh and clean air fills the lungs a lot of beaches on the Atlantic ocean.....yet, here I'm....spending my time in my cubical for 9 hours per day and the rest of the day on my chaise-longe, watching tv, smoking a cigar/argileh or just....thinking...

I have been wanting to blog for some time, but I'm just blocked from everything! I don't feel like doing a thing, weird, eh? I have abandoned my camera, the close friend that I have had ever since I left home, it's setting there in my room, dusty and neglected.

This day last summer, I was in New York, and was getting ready to fly to Dubai and home, eventually. My summer was full of energy that I got from the positive thoughts of going home and spending 2 months among my beloved ones.

I was going over my previous posts, gosh what a whining pathetic loser I have been for the last....well..few years...gosh, what has gotten into me?!

I haven't been able to establish a decent relationship in here, at all levels. When I gather my strength and energy and go on a date, I turn into Chandler of "Friends", so shallowly picky. If I get into a physical encounter, I just miss the hugs and the kisses and the heat of being with someone I love....If I go out with a group of people, I don't try to mingle, I just don't find any interest in making any effort. They talk about hockey, beer, video games and a great party they had in Halifax....I'm just not there, so distant and not interested in being a part of the conversation, mainly because I'm not into that. Someone speaks about politics....I start judging how ignorant they are in what they are talking about. How unbearable I am!

I do go to the movies a lot though, but end up going alone most of the time because most of the people I know cannot afford watching all those movies in theatre, yet, they spend 3 times in a night out in a bar...getting wasted!

I used to bike a lot a while ago, I used to bike downtown to a park on the water front "Victoria"....sit there on the rocks, stare at the calm ocean and puff smokes into the air. I haven't done that in a while now.

My brother finally got engaged.....it's good news, I guess, but I'm not feeling great about this. I donno why, it's just a feeling. I spoke to his fiance, I didn't like her voice on the phone. I have nothing against her, I just feel this way. And yeah, now one more gift to buy whenever I'm going home....

I'm going camping next weekend, flying to Toronto for 4 days, meeting with 3 other Syrian guys, Omar of Earth to Omar, Ghassan of Homs/Ottawa, and Bassel of Lattakia/Toronto. They are good guys, fun to be with. I can relate to them and there are actually things that we can talk about. It should be fun.

I'm so much in need to be in a relationship, emotional, loving, intellectually stimulating one. There is no chance on planet earth that I can find someone here who can give me that.....I live on an island with a bridge for god sake! I have to meet a Syrian girl, Syrian girls rock! well, some of them at least.....but they are scarcity in here, actually the only one that I met here is pretty much the worst girl I have seen in my whole life at all levels! so I'm stuck.....

That was a lot of blabbing....oh, my bad!