Wednesday, July 04, 2007

1000 reasons why I suck!

Here it goes, summer has softly hit the island. Beautiful scenery and great weather, well most of the time, fresh and clean air fills the lungs a lot of beaches on the Atlantic ocean.....yet, here I'm....spending my time in my cubical for 9 hours per day and the rest of the day on my chaise-longe, watching tv, smoking a cigar/argileh or just....thinking...

I have been wanting to blog for some time, but I'm just blocked from everything! I don't feel like doing a thing, weird, eh? I have abandoned my camera, the close friend that I have had ever since I left home, it's setting there in my room, dusty and neglected.

This day last summer, I was in New York, and was getting ready to fly to Dubai and home, eventually. My summer was full of energy that I got from the positive thoughts of going home and spending 2 months among my beloved ones.

I was going over my previous posts, gosh what a whining pathetic loser I have been for the last....well..few years...gosh, what has gotten into me?!

I haven't been able to establish a decent relationship in here, at all levels. When I gather my strength and energy and go on a date, I turn into Chandler of "Friends", so shallowly picky. If I get into a physical encounter, I just miss the hugs and the kisses and the heat of being with someone I love....If I go out with a group of people, I don't try to mingle, I just don't find any interest in making any effort. They talk about hockey, beer, video games and a great party they had in Halifax....I'm just not there, so distant and not interested in being a part of the conversation, mainly because I'm not into that. Someone speaks about politics....I start judging how ignorant they are in what they are talking about. How unbearable I am!

I do go to the movies a lot though, but end up going alone most of the time because most of the people I know cannot afford watching all those movies in theatre, yet, they spend 3 times in a night out in a bar...getting wasted!

I used to bike a lot a while ago, I used to bike downtown to a park on the water front "Victoria"....sit there on the rocks, stare at the calm ocean and puff smokes into the air. I haven't done that in a while now.

My brother finally got's good news, I guess, but I'm not feeling great about this. I donno why, it's just a feeling. I spoke to his fiance, I didn't like her voice on the phone. I have nothing against her, I just feel this way. And yeah, now one more gift to buy whenever I'm going home....

I'm going camping next weekend, flying to Toronto for 4 days, meeting with 3 other Syrian guys, Omar of Earth to Omar, Ghassan of Homs/Ottawa, and Bassel of Lattakia/Toronto. They are good guys, fun to be with. I can relate to them and there are actually things that we can talk about. It should be fun.

I'm so much in need to be in a relationship, emotional, loving, intellectually stimulating one. There is no chance on planet earth that I can find someone here who can give me that.....I live on an island with a bridge for god sake! I have to meet a Syrian girl, Syrian girls rock! well, some of them at least.....but they are scarcity in here, actually the only one that I met here is pretty much the worst girl I have seen in my whole life at all levels! so I'm stuck.....

That was a lot of blabbing....oh, my bad!


no one said...

والله يازلمة انت البنت يلي بدك ياها شكلها ماتت منشان هيك ماعم تلائيها.

Yazan said...

is there no good place to be an expat in??!!

seriously, on the other hand, most of the people that i got along with here were canadians...

Golaniya said...

iuI am not sure what I say will be of any interest to you, but one thing I learned from my relationships with men is that not to "need" one!

I guess Wassim's constant advice to me is so true cause it is healthy not to need a relationship.

i am trying to keep myself busy with things that I love and I am passionate about, i have a problem with the guy I am dating online now that he needs a relationship, for me I am really not thinking of needing one, as much as I am disappointed at not meeting the one who shares my "common sense".

i am hanging out with the best crowd Ihsan, I am just too difficult to please I guess.

Yalla you're a fighter, you'll manage :-)

Golaniya said...

I am not sure..* :D

Ihsan said...

no one:
en khelyait allah yestor, I need to reproduce eventually!

It's not a matter of Canadians or others, it's just a matter of small town people. It's everywhere I guess. Imagine a small town near Lattakia where the most traveled dude in there has only been as far as Tartous and he doesn't like it because it's too big and crowded!

The people (Canadians) you meet, are travelers, just like you...need I say no more?

The "need" is there whether we admit it or not. We can turn a blind eye on it for a while, but it's there somewhere. In my case, being here and living the kind of life I have, made that "need" surface and I'm having hard time ignoring it. Of course I'm gonna survive. It just could have been much better if I had that "need" fulfilled.

tamatem * said...

this comment is coming in late, but i dont think u will hate me for that..

anywho.. i did the same thing a while back and reviewed my young blog to find that its full of whining and nagging over stuff that i wanna do and cant do.. its annoying i know..
but u know what.. at least we have this vent where we are letting out the things that we dont like in our lives, and in ourselves..
publishing those things gives u some comfort that at least someone is going to read it.. even if it was too boring or too full of crap.. but there could be someone out there who will relate to ur problem.. and compassion is more than enough (at least for me)

i can totally relate to ur social life part.. i had a great social life in dubai, and ive been home for over 2 years now and its nothing like what i had back there..
hamdillah i managed to have a fraction of my dubai life in damascus this summer.. but now its back to the old routine.. work, eat, sleep...

dont get too upset about ur blog.. its urs.. use it however u want.