Before I start, I want to say to that passing princess…thank you.
For the last two years, a lot of question marks have been floating over my head. I’d started to believe that I lost any sense of intimacy with the women. For two years, in all my so-called relationships here in Canada or better described as one night-stand, two nights, or even weeks-stand relations , I always ended up taking a cold bath cursing what I had just done. I always blamed myself for being no more than a person who seemed to only be able to have meaningless encounters with women. I had always justified it and convinced myself that what I do is simply a result of me growing mature and being the wise-ass who knows what relationships are about and that I don’t need anything more than just a little action.
I was wrong……
Few days before I left home and came back to Canada…..we met..it was a dinner among friends…I knew about her, knew of her but didn’t know her. Before that night, she was just a girl that I met through friends. That dinner was the spark that made me realize that I’m still all about connecting to someone, relating to and more….being crazy about. The dinner was over, we waved goodbye and then I saw a spark in her eyes…reflecting the spark in my eyes. We texted each other few minutes after….spend the night together, on the phone, we went to sleep when the first morning rays where lighting Damascus. We met 4 hours after, it was our first official date. It was the longest and most fulfilling date I have had in years. Those hours moved us ahead in a super fast relationship that would usually take months to get this far.
She made me feel that it’s all about intimacy and everything else came after. We connected, we danced, we hugged, we kissed, we made sweet love. She made me feel like a man who has more feelings than desires. She introduced me back to the old “me” that I had thought I’d lost.
She introduced me to Ihsan, the man who can actually fall for someone once again, if distances, oceans and lands did not separate between Canada and Syria.
This short relationship was an eye opener for me. It came as a reminder that I’m missing so much. It’s not about the physical aspect. But more about what leads to it and what results from it. It’s about wanting to stay so close to someone that skins would merge together.
I do miss all that, I do miss her, her voice, her annoying never ending arguments, her touch, her skin. Her image when the lights were so dim has been imprinted on the twists of my brain cells that will takes a surgery to remove.
Thanks a thousand times. I wish we lived in the same country. I wish if we didn’t believe that online relationship is not the thing that we both want for now.
My 2008 resolution is no more physical encounters without intimacy, if I’m not gonna have what I had, I don’t need it.