Monday, March 27, 2006

Sleepless…once again!

It’s 5 AM here, I have been in bed for more than 2 hours with no luck to sleep!

The faculty stuff of my university has been on strike for a week now, and things don’t seem to be solved soon! Meanwhile, there is nothing to do, no classes and no study!

I don’t know if the strike and all the free time that I’ve been having recently have made me do lots of thinking, but the usual results of my thinking has been, and for the last few years, getting depressed, a lot!

I’m still not sure where I’m standing nor where I’m going! By the time I finish my studies, I would be 32 years old, when I would be starting a career, that, in case I don’t screw up somewhere along the way!

I wish I was 5 years younger!

I’m about to receive my airline ticket for the summer home visit, I was so excited about it, especially that I will be doing lots of touring before I get home, I will be visiting Montreal, Toronto, New York and Dubai for 5 days in each! But since I’ve had this recent depression, I’ve lost the excitement and now I’m worrying about everything including these tours that I will be having. i.e. where I’ll be staying, how much I’ll be paying, what if this and what if that. I’m ruining the fun even before it starts!

I went yesterday early in the morning for some photographing (my favourite shot). I enjoyed a sunny day near the ocean. Most of the ones that I know here are night people. Can’t get a hold of them for any sort of activities before 5 PM! Later yesterday, I was dragged to a party at somebody’s house, oh, couldn’t stand being there for more than one hour! Weeds and booze and tens of drunken people here and there! At the end of the night, some 18 years old wild girl, of the drinking culture, advised me that I cannot live like that and that I should have a life. Life= smoking, drinking & banging, according to her or at least, this is all what she does! Anyways; I truly don’t seem to have a life or, do I?

What is life anyway? Hmmmm, I think life is a mix of success, love, family, true friends, and good health! I donno…. Those are what make a regular person happy, aren’t they? What is life to you?

I surely have the last 3 ones, had the second, and the first is a long story, but nah, I don’t have it, not yet!

I’ve bought a ticket for Bryan Adams’ concert after a couple of weeks! He is one of my best all time singers.

I should go to bed and give it another shot, as the bowl of M&Ms has finished.


cap said...

Hey Ihsan,
I think you are capable to have the complete mixture that makes a wonderfull life for anyone of us;
but let me add something, first, I think u r a succeeded one, for u can feel ur success thru ppl's reaction, and mine is admiration, Second, u will attend Brian Adams concert, lucky YOU.


Shannon said...

I can't say much to ease your depression, but I hope it leaves you and you find the happiness you're looking for.

I will say that your photographs are amazingly beautiful.

Good luck.