Sunday, March 05, 2006

No more "firsts"

Somebody said “why the first love always takes the big part of our life??Why can’t it be forgettable?”……

It’s just like any other “first” we do in our life that is always remembered by either us or others.

Our first word is remembered by our parents, and so is our first step, we always remember our first best friend, our first day at school, our first date, first time we sat behind a wheel and drove the car, first kiss, first sex, first time we travel, first day at university, first day at work, first pay cheque……

It’s not only love that we never forget our first time of….

Our first love however is extra special because it overwhelms us with new feelings that we never knew existed…it exposes us to a new horizons of intimacy and sentimentality, it teaches us the language of the soul, it shows us how to speak to the heart with the language of the eyes. It’s the first to tell us that we are humans.

Do all these new skills and newly discovered traits fade away after the first love dies, and it will die?

The answer is simply no, but they are no longer “new” to us; they have become an inseparable part of us, the have integrated into us.


Why do we feel like shit after our first love is over? Why do we feel that we will never have the same as we did?

Because we refuse the fact that we failed at what we liked most, we refuse the fact that we will have to start all over, we refuse the fact that we were wrong, we refuse the fact that we were betrayed or cheated on, we refuse the fact that we were stupid and easy to manipulate.

Is the partner of our first love the best we will ever have?

No, in fact, if he/she was best for us, we should not have lost them in the first place. But again, they were our first….. They took lots of our firsts; we trusted them on very precious firsts that are no longer firsts and therefore we don’t feel they are as precious as they were; which is totally wrong, they are always precious as long as they are from the heart.

I think it’s more difficult to be in love again, because our emotions have matured and our expectation are higher, because we no longer ignore the signs and pretend they don’t exist just to save the relation.

We will eventually fall in love again, but only when we are ready to, and when we meet the better person for us, we may not feel it the same as we did when we first fell in love, but this does not mean it’s not as strong, if not stronger, however, it’s definitely more mature and grown up and likely to last…… Life goes on… and so we should……

By the way, the one, who I once loved most, my first in love, got engaged last Friday…..


Anonymous said...

my friend, life goes on... learn to let go

Shannon said...

Isn't it funny how we follow the lives of our first loves, even when we've moved on...sometimes it feels like we never fully move on.

Mine just got his phD last month. I was the one who convinced him to pursue that academic path. Strange feeling.

Soraya said...

That is so sadly true….but some times its hard to overcome it
Its not that simple and also you can not go searching for new love
I believe that love finds you not vise versa. And sometimes you are lucky enough to fall in love once in your life because it might not happen again…arrrrrgggghhh I sound so pessimistic, anyway as you said LIFE GOSE ON

P.S : I wonder who is that someone that said so?? :)

no one said...

there is nothing called love..u get used to someone so much that u think u can't live without him/her.. it's just a form of addication..

Joy said...

Hi Ishan,
What a lovely, beautiful post. I don't know what to say to what you talked about.. I am still getting over my first love and I feel just as you describe. But it gives me hope that someday, I will be lucky enough to find what is right for me. Although, hearing about an ex is always tough.. all the best.

Thanks for the comment on my blog as well.

Joy said...

I had to write you again. I read more of your blog, and you speak beautifully and truthfully.

I do do more than just get drunk, but I as well know that around here that is the way to meet new people. It can be good or bad. I wouldn't mind going for a coffee sometime. I am just shy and cautious most of the time because I don't trust people's true intentions (especially when I am drinking)! So if you would like someone to talk to and get to know, write me.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ishan! Man, I just love your blog, you write straight from the heart and I can connect to that. I don't know how to move on from my first love, maybe also because we were friends before and want to be like that. Meaning I still hang out with him and so. I still haven't met anyone who keeps up with him. Ok, that was the more touchy part, but I also wanna comment on your hilarious post about masturbation, I just cracked down of laughter over my office desk (I think my colleagues think now that I am a nutter or sth). Keep on writing, I added you to my blog (, but sadly the UAE (my country of residence) just blogged the site and I am complaining to get it back! Not in line with Islamic values...god!!!

Anonymous said...

hi ihsan
your post is really great
thx for letting me read agian about love and true feeling
love for me is adream it is so nice and sweet as long as you are asleep
but it is never the same when you are awake
idecided to choose the one ill spend my life with depending on just mind
if iwill not be happy at least iam not going to be hurt
best regard