a bit of my quality time..alone

I shot this a couple of weeks ago.....

Living alone is not that bad after all....I wonder why I keep complaining!!

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1000 reasons why I suck!

Here it goes, summer has softly hit the island. Beautiful scenery and great weather, well most of the time, fresh and clean air fills the lungs a lot of beaches on the Atlantic ocean.....yet, here I'm....spending my time in my cubical for 9 hours per day and the rest of the day on my chaise-longe, watching tv, smoking a cigar/argileh or just....thinking...

I have been wanting to blog for some time, but I'm just blocked from everything! I don't feel like doing a thing, weird, eh? I have abandoned my camera, the close friend that I have had ever since I left home, it's setting there in my room, dusty and neglected.

This day last summer, I was in New York, and was getting ready to fly to Dubai and home, eventually. My summer was full of energy that I got from the positive thoughts of going home and spending 2 months among my beloved ones.

I was going over my previous posts, gosh what a whining pathetic loser I have been for the last....well..few years...gosh, what has gotten into me?!

I haven't been able to establish a decent relationship in here, at all levels. When I gather my strength and energy and go on a date, I turn into Chandler of "Friends", so shallowly picky. If I get into a physical encounter, I just miss the hugs and the kisses and the heat of being with someone I love....If I go out with a group of people, I don't try to mingle, I just don't find any interest in making any effort. They talk about hockey, beer, video games and a great party they had in Halifax....I'm just not there, so distant and not interested in being a part of the conversation, mainly because I'm not into that. Someone speaks about politics....I start judging how ignorant they are in what they are talking about. How unbearable I am!

I do go to the movies a lot though, but end up going alone most of the time because most of the people I know cannot afford watching all those movies in theatre, yet, they spend 3 times in a night out in a bar...getting wasted!

I used to bike a lot a while ago, I used to bike downtown to a park on the water front "Victoria"....sit there on the rocks, stare at the calm ocean and puff smokes into the air. I haven't done that in a while now.

My brother finally got engaged.....it's good news, I guess, but I'm not feeling great about this. I donno why, it's just a feeling. I spoke to his fiance, I didn't like her voice on the phone. I have nothing against her, I just feel this way. And yeah, now one more gift to buy whenever I'm going home....

I'm going camping next weekend, flying to Toronto for 4 days, meeting with 3 other Syrian guys, Omar of Earth to Omar, Ghassan of Homs/Ottawa, and Bassel of Lattakia/Toronto. They are good guys, fun to be with. I can relate to them and there are actually things that we can talk about. It should be fun.

I'm so much in need to be in a relationship, emotional, loving, intellectually stimulating one. There is no chance on planet earth that I can find someone here who can give me that.....I live on an island with a bridge for god sake! I have to meet a Syrian girl, Syrian girls rock! well, some of them at least.....but they are scarcity in here, actually the only one that I met here is pretty much the worst girl I have seen in my whole life at all levels! so I'm stuck.....

That was a lot of blabbing....oh, my bad!

May & June in few words...

Amid all the good things, one thing should be bad and ruins all. Amid all the good thoughts, one thought should be bad and keeps us alert. Amid all the good people, one has to be bad and happens to be the one we know. Amid all the good plans, one has to be bad and screw up EVERYTHING!

This has been my summery for May and June…so far…..