It's almost 5 AM in here, I have had a sleepless night, did nothing but going through old photos, mainly photos of me and my old man…..I haven't seen him in a couple of years. He passed away on the 24th of April 1997. But I always felt his presence by my side, years after he'd been gone….I felt his tapping on my back when I felt week… I heard his encouraging laughs whenever I did something good. He's gone. I cannot feel him anymore. I miss him. He was a great father, the best a son could ever want. I didn't have enough time with him; I was only 20 year-old when he was gone. I was right about to be in the age of becoming his close friend. He didn't want my friendship, so he was gone. He chose death rather than sticking around with me. Or is it death that was jealous because we were close? I don't care; I just miss having a father, miss having him. I could have needed his presence in my life. Why do people have to die anyway? Ever since I remember, I used to pray to god and ask him to take my life before he takes my parents'. God never listened to me. He claimed my dad's life at a time that I needed a father. At a time when a father would have taken my hands, guided me and protected me from my misjudgments.
I used to close my eyes and feel him lying in his bed and talking to me, I feel him trying to talk to me just like they way he did before he died when he was not able to speak. He spoke to me through his eyes. He was sad. I never knew why. I was right there with him, but he was sad.
Now I know why.....
It was because he knew that one day, I will stop feeling his presence…I will stop remembering him before going to bed, I will stop going to the cemetery to pay him my usual visit that didn't stop until recently. He knew it all, he closed his eyes for the last time, knowing that I will forget about him.
I let my father down......
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
29 year-old VIRGIN....
I'm officially old! Although I feel nothing unusual, but the fact remains, I'm old now!
The past year has passed very fast, probably one of the fastest. I feel that I may have started to be on the right track. Thus, I don't care much about how old.
I've had a busy year, lots of major changes: quitting job, leaving the country, back to study, a lot of traveling and money spending! I'm writing my post now at Dubai International airport while awaiting my flight to New York, then Canada. I'm sad and already miss my family and some people. But I'm going to finish what I have started. One month and 3 weeks have passed like a glimpse. Lots of outings and socializing but nothing fruitful and accomplishing at all!
My vacation in Syria has showed me that what connects me to this country and my home city is my family….nothing else! I donno if I should feel ashamed! Well, I'm not anyway. I'm not sure if it was me or the people are changing, or maybe they have always been like but I'd never noticed, or maybe I was one of them and I'm the one who is changing! The problem is that I don't feel it. I mean, even if I was changing, I'm not realizing, in fact, I may be rationalizing it as an evident and better thing. I'm not sure if the changes are for better. But I'm neither worried about them nor afraid that they may be for the worse.
I re-read what I read and felt how vague this post is. I will definitely want to thoroughly post about the feeling of change and the changes. But now is not the time. Maybe later!
For now, all what I care is that I'm a 29 year old. One year to go and I'm 30! Half of my life (if not sudden accidents or plane crashes) have passed. I have done a lot, experienced a lot and lived through a lot as well Known lots of people. Being disappointed by many of them and I did disappoint some myself, being stupidly in love once, met a perfect match once but didn't know at the time (long story). Lost a parent, become an uncle (not a popular one), and visited only one quarter of the places that I wanna visit before getting married!
I hope the second half of my life (again, if no sudden accidents or planes crashes occurred) will be more fulfilling on all level.
Education and career: Finish my MBA and start in a career within 3 years from now.
Love: Find someone
Life: Travel to Peru, Mexico, Brazil and Argentina, Japan, China and Kenya. (Before the "love" factor exists.
Family: Keep having my great family.
Friends: They come and go, but for those who have lasted, I hope they can bear me for another 30 years or so.
I had several birthdays' celebrations yesterday, 3 to be exact. I got some nice gifts and ate a lot, 4 to be exact, as in one celebration, I ate twice!
I still have an hour and a half for my flight, I'd better go and have one last tour in the "super" Duty Free Shop they have in here. I've already spend a lot on perfumes, smokes and cigar. But boy, the prices are so good and the stuff is ever better!
Oh by the way, I just looked it up, it's "Virgo" not "Virgin" and it's the horoscope for those who are born in the last week of August and first 2 weeks of September, and that would be me ;)
The past year has passed very fast, probably one of the fastest. I feel that I may have started to be on the right track. Thus, I don't care much about how old.
I've had a busy year, lots of major changes: quitting job, leaving the country, back to study, a lot of traveling and money spending! I'm writing my post now at Dubai International airport while awaiting my flight to New York, then Canada. I'm sad and already miss my family and some people. But I'm going to finish what I have started. One month and 3 weeks have passed like a glimpse. Lots of outings and socializing but nothing fruitful and accomplishing at all!
My vacation in Syria has showed me that what connects me to this country and my home city is my family….nothing else! I donno if I should feel ashamed! Well, I'm not anyway. I'm not sure if it was me or the people are changing, or maybe they have always been like but I'd never noticed, or maybe I was one of them and I'm the one who is changing! The problem is that I don't feel it. I mean, even if I was changing, I'm not realizing, in fact, I may be rationalizing it as an evident and better thing. I'm not sure if the changes are for better. But I'm neither worried about them nor afraid that they may be for the worse.
I re-read what I read and felt how vague this post is. I will definitely want to thoroughly post about the feeling of change and the changes. But now is not the time. Maybe later!
For now, all what I care is that I'm a 29 year old. One year to go and I'm 30! Half of my life (if not sudden accidents or plane crashes) have passed. I have done a lot, experienced a lot and lived through a lot as well Known lots of people. Being disappointed by many of them and I did disappoint some myself, being stupidly in love once, met a perfect match once but didn't know at the time (long story). Lost a parent, become an uncle (not a popular one), and visited only one quarter of the places that I wanna visit before getting married!
I hope the second half of my life (again, if no sudden accidents or planes crashes occurred) will be more fulfilling on all level.
Education and career: Finish my MBA and start in a career within 3 years from now.
Love: Find someone
Life: Travel to Peru, Mexico, Brazil and Argentina, Japan, China and Kenya. (Before the "love" factor exists.
Family: Keep having my great family.
Friends: They come and go, but for those who have lasted, I hope they can bear me for another 30 years or so.
I had several birthdays' celebrations yesterday, 3 to be exact. I got some nice gifts and ate a lot, 4 to be exact, as in one celebration, I ate twice!
I still have an hour and a half for my flight, I'd better go and have one last tour in the "super" Duty Free Shop they have in here. I've already spend a lot on perfumes, smokes and cigar. But boy, the prices are so good and the stuff is ever better!
Oh by the way, I just looked it up, it's "Virgo" not "Virgin" and it's the horoscope for those who are born in the last week of August and first 2 weeks of September, and that would be me ;)
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
City of wealth
If you are looking for a place to spend all your money! I recommend Dubai! This city that has no real attractions except for the fancy malls and incredibly expensive hotels! While driving in this city you can see the wealth of this city! A state of the art modern buildings! New towers are arising everyday. Several artificial islands have been made to built new fancy projects!
It's so different than any other place! The weather is awful but it's the summer and the high season in this place is the winter! Everything is expensive but you can find EVERYTHING you want!
The main attraction for me was the dunes of the desert! Just like in Sinbad or Ali-Baba….dunes of golden sands! I LOVED IT!
One thing that I really hated was the fact that although this city is an Arabic city, the Arabic language came 4th in important after English (not the English that we know but the Punjabi-English), Punjabi and Urdu come before the Arabic! I spoke no Arabic except with my friends! It's shame, I think!
Anyways, it was interesting to see what this city is about! I wanted to have a dinner at Burj Al-Arab but they have a dress code and I had no formal cloth with me! So I ended up saving paying 150 USD for dinner! Haha…no regrets!
I'm now at Dubai international airport, which is a piece of the art itself as well! In few hours I will be home! Allah yestor!!!!
It's so different than any other place! The weather is awful but it's the summer and the high season in this place is the winter! Everything is expensive but you can find EVERYTHING you want!
The main attraction for me was the dunes of the desert! Just like in Sinbad or Ali-Baba….dunes of golden sands! I LOVED IT!
One thing that I really hated was the fact that although this city is an Arabic city, the Arabic language came 4th in important after English (not the English that we know but the Punjabi-English), Punjabi and Urdu come before the Arabic! I spoke no Arabic except with my friends! It's shame, I think!
Anyways, it was interesting to see what this city is about! I wanted to have a dinner at Burj Al-Arab but they have a dress code and I had no formal cloth with me! So I ended up saving paying 150 USD for dinner! Haha…no regrets!
I'm now at Dubai international airport, which is a piece of the art itself as well! In few hours I will be home! Allah yestor!!!!
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