In the memory of a beating heart...

I thought I no longer need it anymore. I convinced myself that I had lived it through and knew what it was all about. I believed, it was an experience that a one must live.

I was, once again, all wrong!

I was reading through some blogs, I came across a poem that a girl wrote for somebody, I couldn’t stop but read it all, once and twice… I usually don’t read poetry! This time I couldn’t not read it and react to the simple thought of it.

It’s not just an experience that we should live it. It’s a missing part of our life that we need it to be there if we want our life to be complete and meaningful.

We can never know what it is about, it’s a continuing process of life, everyday there is something new even if we don’t see it then. Because when we live it, we take it for granted but when we lose, we think it’s for better…but it’s not! We only feel the importance of it to us, when we stop feeling it, when we have this huge void inside of us that seems unfillable no mater what we do. It’s stupid to think that we no longer need it anymore; we would be fooling ourselves, nobody else.

There is nothing better than to sleep at night knowing that somebody out there is thinking of you, somebody that you love, loves you back. Somebody that you care about is dreaming about you.

In my whole life, I was in love only once. I miss her!


I miss being in love, miss being loved, miss the sacredness of it, miss the fun and the fights in it. Miss the loud beats of the heart; miss the heat of the kiss, the warmth of the hug. I miss having a princess and being a prince myself.

ZZZZ...ZZZZ

I miss my mom…….

I have been thinking a lot about her recently……. We only know how precious her presence in our life once we are far away from her…. Seize the moment people, if your mom is near you, go give her a big hug….there is nothing feels like it on the face of the world…

I’m overloaded with exams, and losing my concentration over the silliest things!

Life here if fucking boring, the North American definition of fun is getting drunk! Every time I go out with some people, they get drunk in the first 10 minutes of the evening and I end up spending the whole night with them making fools out of themselves and laughing over nothing!!! It happens all the time…..they don’t just hang out, talk and laugh, just the way we do back home. That’s why I tend to enjoy my loneliness a lot more than going out with people here!

Movies, are my best friends, I enjoy taking a walk there and catch a movie once or twice a week….. That doesn’t sound like fun to many people, but for years, I always enjoyed this tradition; going alone to the movies. I used not to mention it to my friends in Damascus, so I could get to go alone….

I so much need to talk to Syrians, or people who have the same background so they can understand what I say, what I feel, and what I mean! Unfortunately, no Syrians around me! I was on the phone with a friend who is doing his PhD in UK, ohhhhhh, it felt so warm and so cool to speak Arabic with a Syrian dude! I’m getting 2 phone calls per week from 2 of my closest friends from Damascus, but they are girls and I do miss the guys' talks and kicks! Hope I’m not turning gay!..... Hmmmm, I don’t think so!

We had a big snow storm 10 days ago…. I took the chance and had a crazy walk inside the storm. It felt like walking in the North Pole. I couldn’t see a thing, just a white wind blowing around me. I donno how I made it back home, but I did, and I enjoyed it!

This evening, I was sitting trying to study and playing with my hair that had really gotten really long! All of a sudden and out of no where, I decided I want to get rid of it…ALL…..so I got my Philishave and zzzzzzzz.....zzzzzzz.....zzzzz, finally, I turned myself into a baldy with not even a single hair over my head…..now I miss my hair!

Addicted!

I have been out of Damascus for 26 days!

I don’t wanna get sensitive in here and say what I feel, as I have been avoiding blogging cuz I’m in such a bad mood all the time!

However, of all the things that I miss, there is one thing that has really triggered me to blog here at this very moment of despair!

I spent an hour wandering in the streets looking for a place where I can have a fried chicken! NO FUCKING LUCK! I hate KFC, but I was willing to eat there, and it was closed! It’s snowing out there and it’s Saturday night! People around me in the residence are so hammered and most of them are half naked – please don’t ask me why- and yet, I was outside in a hunt for a fried chicken! I miss the luxury we have in Damascus, where we can get the kind of food we want at any time, day or night! I miss the fried chicken there or as we call it “Broasted Chicken”. I was addicted to it.

I tried to google “Friend Chicken near you”…nothing came out except for KFC!


Now what? I’m here alone and hungry and I ended up ordering pizza….FUCK PIZZA! I hate pizza…. I have eaten pizza a million times ever since I left!

Anyways, the pizza guy has arrived and I gotta run down and get my food!

Grrrrrrr…