Somebody said “why the first love always takes the big part of our life??Why can’t it be forgettable?”……
It’s just like any other “first” we do in our life that is always remembered by either us or others.
Our first word is remembered by our parents, and so is our first step, we always remember our first best friend, our first day at school, our first date, first time we sat behind a wheel and drove the car, first kiss, first sex, first time we travel, first day at university, first day at work, first pay cheque……
It’s not only love that we never forget our first time of….
Our first love however is extra special because it overwhelms us with new feelings that we never knew existed…it exposes us to a new horizons of intimacy and sentimentality, it teaches us the language of the soul, it shows us how to speak to the heart with the language of the eyes. It’s the first to tell us that we are humans.
Do all these new skills and newly discovered traits fade away after the first love dies, and it will die?
The answer is simply no, but they are no longer “new” to us; they have become an inseparable part of us, the have integrated into us.
Then…….
Why do we feel like shit after our first love is over? Why do we feel that we will never have the same as we did?
Because we refuse the fact that we failed at what we liked most, we refuse the fact that we will have to start all over, we refuse the fact that we were wrong, we refuse the fact that we were betrayed or cheated on, we refuse the fact that we were stupid and easy to manipulate.
Is the partner of our first love the best we will ever have?
No, in fact, if he/she was best for us, we should not have lost them in the first place. But again, they were our first….. They took lots of our firsts; we trusted them on very precious firsts that are no longer firsts and therefore we don’t feel they are as precious as they were; which is totally wrong, they are always precious as long as they are from the heart.
I think it’s more difficult to be in love again, because our emotions have matured and our expectation are higher, because we no longer ignore the signs and pretend they don’t exist just to save the relation.
We will eventually fall in love again, but only when we are ready to, and when we meet the better person for us, we may not feel it the same as we did when we first fell in love, but this does not mean it’s not as strong, if not stronger, however, it’s definitely more mature and grown up and likely to last…… Life goes on… and so we should……
By the way, the one, who I once loved most, my first in love, got engaged last Friday…..
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
In the memory of a beating heart...
I thought I no longer need it anymore. I convinced myself that I had lived it through and knew what it was all about. I believed, it was an experience that a one must live.
I was, once again, all wrong!
I was reading through some blogs, I came across a poem that a girl wrote for somebody, I couldn’t stop but read it all, once and twice… I usually don’t read poetry! This time I couldn’t not read it and react to the simple thought of it.
It’s not just an experience that we should live it. It’s a missing part of our life that we need it to be there if we want our life to be complete and meaningful.
We can never know what it is about, it’s a continuing process of life, everyday there is something new even if we don’t see it then. Because when we live it, we take it for granted but when we lose, we think it’s for better…but it’s not! We only feel the importance of it to us, when we stop feeling it, when we have this huge void inside of us that seems unfillable no mater what we do. It’s stupid to think that we no longer need it anymore; we would be fooling ourselves, nobody else.
There is nothing better than to sleep at night knowing that somebody out there is thinking of you, somebody that you love, loves you back. Somebody that you care about is dreaming about you.
In my whole life, I was in love only once. I miss her!
I miss being in love, miss being loved, miss the sacredness of it, miss the fun and the fights in it. Miss the loud beats of the heart; miss the heat of the kiss, the warmth of the hug. I miss having a princess and being a prince myself.
I was, once again, all wrong!
I was reading through some blogs, I came across a poem that a girl wrote for somebody, I couldn’t stop but read it all, once and twice… I usually don’t read poetry! This time I couldn’t not read it and react to the simple thought of it.
It’s not just an experience that we should live it. It’s a missing part of our life that we need it to be there if we want our life to be complete and meaningful.
We can never know what it is about, it’s a continuing process of life, everyday there is something new even if we don’t see it then. Because when we live it, we take it for granted but when we lose, we think it’s for better…but it’s not! We only feel the importance of it to us, when we stop feeling it, when we have this huge void inside of us that seems unfillable no mater what we do. It’s stupid to think that we no longer need it anymore; we would be fooling ourselves, nobody else.
There is nothing better than to sleep at night knowing that somebody out there is thinking of you, somebody that you love, loves you back. Somebody that you care about is dreaming about you.
In my whole life, I was in love only once. I miss her!
I miss being in love, miss being loved, miss the sacredness of it, miss the fun and the fights in it. Miss the loud beats of the heart; miss the heat of the kiss, the warmth of the hug. I miss having a princess and being a prince myself.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
ZZZZ...ZZZZ
I miss my mom…….
I have been thinking a lot about her recently……. We only know how precious her presence in our life once we are far away from her…. Seize the moment people, if your mom is near you, go give her a big hug….there is nothing feels like it on the face of the world…
I’m overloaded with exams, and losing my concentration over the silliest things!
Life here if fucking boring, the North American definition of fun is getting drunk! Every time I go out with some people, they get drunk in the first 10 minutes of the evening and I end up spending the whole night with them making fools out of themselves and laughing over nothing!!! It happens all the time…..they don’t just hang out, talk and laugh, just the way we do back home. That’s why I tend to enjoy my loneliness a lot more than going out with people here!
Movies, are my best friends, I enjoy taking a walk there and catch a movie once or twice a week….. That doesn’t sound like fun to many people, but for years, I always enjoyed this tradition; going alone to the movies. I used not to mention it to my friends in Damascus, so I could get to go alone….
I so much need to talk to Syrians, or people who have the same background so they can understand what I say, what I feel, and what I mean! Unfortunately, no Syrians around me! I was on the phone with a friend who is doing his PhD in UK, ohhhhhh, it felt so warm and so cool to speak Arabic with a Syrian dude! I’m getting 2 phone calls per week from 2 of my closest friends from Damascus, but they are girls and I do miss the guys' talks and kicks! Hope I’m not turning gay!..... Hmmmm, I don’t think so!
We had a big snow storm 10 days ago…. I took the chance and had a crazy walk inside the storm. It felt like walking in the North Pole. I couldn’t see a thing, just a white wind blowing around me. I donno how I made it back home, but I did, and I enjoyed it!
This evening, I was sitting trying to study and playing with my hair that had really gotten really long! All of a sudden and out of no where, I decided I want to get rid of it…ALL…..so I got my Philishave and zzzzzzzz.....zzzzzzz.....zzzzz, finally, I turned myself into a baldy with not even a single hair over my head…..now I miss my hair!
I have been thinking a lot about her recently……. We only know how precious her presence in our life once we are far away from her…. Seize the moment people, if your mom is near you, go give her a big hug….there is nothing feels like it on the face of the world…
I’m overloaded with exams, and losing my concentration over the silliest things!
Life here if fucking boring, the North American definition of fun is getting drunk! Every time I go out with some people, they get drunk in the first 10 minutes of the evening and I end up spending the whole night with them making fools out of themselves and laughing over nothing!!! It happens all the time…..they don’t just hang out, talk and laugh, just the way we do back home. That’s why I tend to enjoy my loneliness a lot more than going out with people here!
Movies, are my best friends, I enjoy taking a walk there and catch a movie once or twice a week….. That doesn’t sound like fun to many people, but for years, I always enjoyed this tradition; going alone to the movies. I used not to mention it to my friends in Damascus, so I could get to go alone….
I so much need to talk to Syrians, or people who have the same background so they can understand what I say, what I feel, and what I mean! Unfortunately, no Syrians around me! I was on the phone with a friend who is doing his PhD in UK, ohhhhhh, it felt so warm and so cool to speak Arabic with a Syrian dude! I’m getting 2 phone calls per week from 2 of my closest friends from Damascus, but they are girls and I do miss the guys' talks and kicks! Hope I’m not turning gay!..... Hmmmm, I don’t think so!
We had a big snow storm 10 days ago…. I took the chance and had a crazy walk inside the storm. It felt like walking in the North Pole. I couldn’t see a thing, just a white wind blowing around me. I donno how I made it back home, but I did, and I enjoyed it!
This evening, I was sitting trying to study and playing with my hair that had really gotten really long! All of a sudden and out of no where, I decided I want to get rid of it…ALL…..so I got my Philishave and zzzzzzzz.....zzzzzzz.....zzzzz, finally, I turned myself into a baldy with not even a single hair over my head…..now I miss my hair!
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